BitterSweet

2010-04-05T14:33:00.003-04:00

NOTICE:

Due to extreme spam content of my blogger account, I will now only be updating my wordpress blog. It is: www.bittersweetjess.wordpress.com .

So, if you'll come over there and catch back up with me, I'll be so glad you did! :)

Thanks!

2010-03-10T22:06:00.004-05:00

Wit and Wisdom of Grandma Mary

Tomorrow would have marked my Grandma Mary’s 99th Birthday. And man, do I miss her. I would love to know what she would’ve said about approaching 100. And had her mind not been taken from her, I believe she would’ve seen it.

Of course, hanging out with her for just one day, you’d be left with some pretty good guesses at what she might say if she were still around today. She was always full of one-liners, at least one for every year she’d been around.

So, in memory of my hilarious, off-the-cuff, nonconformist Grandma, here’s my meager list of Grandma Maryisms. And if you think of any I’ve missed, by all means, let us hear ‘em. ♥

*Warning* Some content not suitable for young viewers. Ha! :)

Dear Gussy!
Heavenly days, ba-gee!
Sweet 16, never been kissed … (pause) … or never been missed!
Looks good enough to eat!
Must’ve been somethin’ I et (ate), I ain’t drunk nothin’!
Well, I’ll be diddly-damned!
Ooooh! Opportunity corner! ;o
Texaco …. Tex-e-o, Frank used to say!
Here, Tit-n-tat! (Kitten Cat)
Makes me no never mind!
Whoop-de-do! (Inevitably followed by) Whoop-de-DO-de-do!
Can’t remember… slept a few nights since then!
(When asked how she’s been) Still puttin’ one foot in front a the other!
Well, sh*t and 2 is 8!
Scared me outta a year’s growth!
Take your time leavin’, but hurry back!
Doodness Dracious!
Oh that’s nice … nicey-nice …
The Lord is my shepherd … I got all I want!

Happy Birthday, Grandma!!!

♥ Love you and miss you !!! ♥

2010-02-22T19:19:00.005-05:00

Diligent or Drifting?

Warning to Pay Attention

We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard,

so that we do not drift away. (Heb. 2:1 ~ NIV)

I enjoy the ocean. But, I’m generally more of an onlooker. I enjoy just sitting, looking at it and listening to it more than anything. But, once in a while, I will venture out and take a plunge.

And I don’t know about you, but once I’ve taken the plunge, I pay special attention to everything around me. I’m alert. After all, this is no chlorine-balanced, pest-free swimming pool. It’s the ocean. Powerful. Ebbing and flowing with undeniable energy and force. The floor is uneven. The surroundings constantly changing. And don’t forget about the creepy things that lurk within. Slimy things. And things that could chomp your left leg off in 5 seconds flat. *Bleh*

But, if you’re like me, once you get in there and get your bearings (and get the theme song from “Jaws” out of your head), you begin to really relax and enjoy it. You start to rest in the gentle current. You stop worrying about any predators. You don’t worry about losing your footing. You begin to just ‘go with the flow’ and all is right with the world. Taking in the warm sun and gentle breeze.

Until you realize you’ve just been carried down the shoreline about a mile and a half. You look up and all the hotels look the same. And you’re not exactly sure which one is yours anymore. You don’t see your family and friends. And you can’t seem to find your footing. And….. Ewwww!!! What was that that just slithered past my arm???

How easy it is to become complacent when all seems to be going well.

The same is true in our walks of faith. How diligent are you when life is going smoothly? I know I find it more difficult. When all is well, I think most of us have a tendancy to ‘drift’. To coast. Take it on cruise control. But, I know I’ve learned that it’s then that you hit the rough waters. Lose your footing. And begin to feel like shark bait at feeding time.

“It doesn’t take any effort to drift. If you’ve ever gotten on a raft and floated down a river on a sunny day, you know that there is real pleasure in drifting – at least for a while. But it doesn’t necessarily take you where you want to go.

“We have been invited to tie up our rafts to the safe and secure harbor of salvation. But some of us have just never made that commitment. We haven’t tied ourselves to Jesus. And we’re in danger of drifting. We may be interested in Christ and intend to stay close, but time and circumstances cause us to drift and without even realizing it, we may find ourselves slipping away completely from the opportunity to know Jesus in a saving way.

“Others of us have tethered ourselves to Christ, and yet in our hearts and minds we are drifting. If you’re honest, would you have to say that as you look back over your life, there was a time you were more in love with Jesus, more fascinated with his Word, more attuned to his Spirit than you are now? Was there a time you were closer to Jesus? You never made the decision to drift away. You never intended for the relationship to gorw cold. But you’ve drifted. You’ve lost that firm grip.

“This word of warning is for all of us. We need to nurture our furious obsessions with Jesus. Let’s anchor ourselves to him, stay close to him, and not allow ourselves to drift” (N. Guthrie ‘Hoping for Something Better’ ~ a study on the book of Hebrews).

~

The Rope (Martina McBride)
http://www.last.fm/music/Martina+McBride/_/The+Rope

Click on link to listen to "The Rope"

In waters calm I sailed from shore

To see what I might see

And having never sailed beforeI drifted aimlessly

A warm breeze rocked my boat until

In slumber I fell sound

But woke to find the light grown dim

And dark clouds gathering ’round

In haste I worked at turning back

But now the wind blew wrong

And when the night came cold and black

My strength was almost gone

But with one last small thread of hope

I bowed my head to pray

Then through the dark I saw a rope

And heard a calm voice say

‘Grab the rope hold it tight

In the distance shines a light

Neither fear nor feel alone

There is One Who’ll lead you home’

I heard my heart beat loud and fast

But did as I was told

And with the rosy dawn at last

Dry land I did behold

I kissed the sandy banks and swore

My sailing days were through

But should I ever stray from shore

I know now what to do

‘Grab the rope hold it tight

In the distance shines a light

Neither fear nor feel alone

There is One Who’ll lead you home’

‘Grab the rope hold it tight

In the distance shines a light’

2010-02-14T20:47:00.005-05:00

Sunday Stirrings

Back when Jodi kicked off “Sunday Stirrings” , I had every intention of sticking with it and knocking things out every week. All the revelations revealed to me week by week.

That was just over a month ago and I may have done two S.S. posts in that amount of time?

I’m glad to be able to say that it’s not been due to lack of insights and profound revelations. As a matter of fact, I just wrapped up an amazing study on “Ruth” by Kelly Minter and am headlong into a mind-blowing study by Beth Moore on the Tabernacle.

To say that He has tugged on some heartstrings through these women and their indepth studies would be a gross understatement.

Not to mention the numerous books I’ve read and blog posts that have both inspired and encouraged me.

It just seems right now He’s more interested in me listening than me sharing. So frustrating, too! Because I want so badly to share what has been revealed to me! Just seems I don’t even know where to start. And words fail me anyway. (Hence all the reposts lately.)

So, all of this to say… He has undoubtedly been stirring within me.

Perhaps I just need to work on getting myself out of the way before I can relay some of what’s been impressed upon me.

In the meantime, I’d encourage you to check out some of the posts that have inspired, encouraged or just really made me stop and think in the last several weeks:

Arms Wide Open
Blessed Builder
Bring the Rain
Donald Miller
Heal the Wound
Highway 41
Notes from the Soul
Random Thoughts from the Revolution
The New Normal
Thursday’s Child

2010-02-12T16:10:00.002-05:00

* Since I’m home unexpectedly (YAY!) on this beautifully SNOWY day, I just thought I’d steal Pioneer Woman’s idea and do my own post on the things that I love. *

Well, let’s start with the most befitting…

♥ I love snow days! I love snow and love being home to enjoy it!

♥ Spending time with my niece and nephew.

♥ Sundays.

♥ Chocolate… GOOD chocolate!

♥ Blankets.

♥ The sky when it’s that perfect beautiful midnight blue.

♥ Crisp, cool Fall air.

♥ Music. Music, music, music.

♥ The smell of old books.

♥ Clothes fresh out of the dryer.

♥ Variety Puzzles.

♥ Campfires.

♥ The moon, especially when it’s full and seems close enough to touch.

♥ Old hymns.

♥ iTunes.

♥ “Redeeming Love” by Francine Rivers.

♥ Sweet old people.

♥ Seeing benevolence in a broken world.

♥ “Roman Holiday”.

♥ The latest fragrance ‘agave’ from WoodWick candles.

♥ My parents.

♥ Bible study.

♥ Boston, Mass.

♥ Flying.

♥ Old notes from my grandmas and great aunts.

♥ Large spreads of poppies on the side of the cold interstate.

♥ Chili cheese fries.

♥ Needtobreathe’s “The Outsiders” album.

♥ Glimpses of God.

♥ Publix “Chocolate Trinity” ice cream mixed with “It’s Your Birthday Cake” ice cream.

♥ Watching “Planes, Trains and Automobiles” with my sister.

♥ My sweet (crazy) cat.

♥ #50, half-order with chicken at El Charros.

♥ Ashley Judd’s “Wonderful” perfume.

♥ My church home/family.

♥ Sunsets.

♥ “Streams in the Desert”.

♥ “Castle”.

♥ Orange juice at midnight.

♥ The lead singer from Nickelback’s voice.

♥ Flannel sheets and a cold nose.

♥ Old pictures.

♥ Trains.

♥ The reminder of the cross.

♥ The power of the cross.

♥ The fact that it’s still snowing beautifully and piling up ouside!!!

2010-02-10T21:43:00.008-05:00

Learn Something New Every Day!

I got a burst of motivation the other day. I don’t know where it came from ( or where it’s gone ) but I decided to run with it.

So, I cleaned.

And we’re not talking just the usual laundry and vacuuming here. Stuff got thrown away. Floors got cleaned on hands and knees. Stove eyes were removed, scrubbed down and replaced.

And as I Windexed the dresser mirror, I thought “You know, I should write something up here to wake up to every morning.” And I knew exactly what thought I wanted to be reminded of every day.

So, I took out an old tube of lipstick and beautifully scripted out before me:

Choose this day Who you will serve!
~

I stopped briefly to both admire my handiwork and question what I wrote. I thought “Is it Who or Whom?” Hmmm…. I knew it didn’t sound right, but I could not think for the life of me which one it should be. ( I blame all the fumes in the air. )

This is all it takes to torture someone like me.

I spent probably the next 2 hours or more fighting that little battle out in my mind. I finally decided it was most likely Whom and looked it up for verification. ( I mean, I had to sleep that night! )

In my search for verification, I came across Grammar Girl. Who knew?? Adults have their own “WordGirl“!

So, for anyone who may not already know ( and might actually care! )… here’s Grammar Girl’s “Quick and Dirty Tip” on the whole ‘who -vs- whom’ matter:

“Like whom, the pronoun him ends with m. When you’re trying to decide whether to use who or whom, ask yourself if the answer to the question would be he or him. That’s the trick: if you can answer the question being asked with him, then use whom, and it’s easy to remember because they both end with m. For example, if you’re trying to ask, “Who (or whom) do you love?” The answer would be “I love him.” Him ends with an m, so you know to use whom. But if you are trying to ask, “Who (or whom) stepped on Squiggly?” the answer would be “He stepped on Squiggly.” There’s no m, so you know to use who. So that’s the quick and dirty trick: if you can’t remember that you use whom when you are referring to the object of the sentence, just remember that him equals whom.”

And now, you, too will be able to wield your power of grammatical knowledge!

And I can start focusing on the message at hand instead of the grammar!!

2010-02-08T14:15:00.004-05:00

Lions and Deserts and Keys... Oh, my!

“Fear is a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life.” (‘Million Miles in a Thousand Years’)

“God is in the business of strategically positioning us in the right place at the right time. But the right place often seems like the wrong place, and the right time seems like the wrong time.
“Our calling is much higher than simply running away from what’s wrong. We’re called to chase lions ~ look for opportunities and take risks to reach for God’s best.
“When we don’t have the guts and step out in faith and chase lions, then God is robbed of the glory that rightfully belongs to Him.” (‘In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy Day’)

“Maybe I ain’t too old to start over, I think and I laugh and cry at the same time at this. Cause just last night I thought I was finished with everything new.” (‘The Help’)

“God gives each person on earth a set of keys, keys to live this life down here on the earth. Now in this set, there is one key you can use to unlock prison doors and set captives free.” (‘Same Kind of Different as Me’)

“Never look ahead to the changes and challenges of this life in fear. Instead, as they arise look at them with the full assurance that God, whose you are, will bring you through them. Hasn’t He kept you safe up to now? So, hold His loving hand tightly, and He will lead you safely through all things.” (‘Streams in the Desert’)

“It might be time for you to go. It might be time to change, to shine out.I want to repeat one word for you:Leave.
Roll the word around on your tongue for a bit. It is a beautiful word, isn’t it? So strong and forceful, the way you have always wanted to be. And you will not be alone. You have never been alone. Don’t worry. Everything will still be here when you get back. It is you who will have changed.” (‘Through Painted Deserts’)

“Father, thank You that no matter what is ahead for me, I can be secure because of Your presence.” (perpetual desk calendar)

Does anybody else sense a theme here?
I’ve been fasting from Facebook for several weeks now and as a result have found much more time to read. And read, I have. Steadily and methodically, I’ve been dwindling down the piles that have been patiently waiting on me for months now. And still some patiently wait.
But, it’s funny how I seem to get pulled to read certain ones at certain times. And in almost certain succession. The quotes above are just a representative glimpse into the theme that seems to be knocking at down my door.
And I so often find assurance when these themes present themselves in my life. They almost serve as a roadmap or at least a trusty reception tower. Things just seem to click into clarity and there seems to be some semblance of order to life.
But, I must admit… this theme….. though it does bring me a sense of comfort on one level, has got me a just a weee bit unnerved on every other level. I’s skeered! I mean, I don’t even know what direction this thing is headed? or how I’m expected to live it all out??
And I’m a creature of habit, comfort, familiarity. I don’t like stepping out of my comfort zone. I fear any sort of change. I like feeling like I know what to do, what to expect. I find great solace in the monotony.
But, that’s not the life we’re meant to live as Christians. That’s not life at all. And I guess it’s time for me to ’step it up’ and step out in faith. To whatever He has in store for me.

Eeek! ~ So, wh-h-h-ho’s w-w-w-ith me?

2010-02-07T13:04:00.005-05:00

"Do You Trust Me?"

(repost from 7/08)

Blame it on the little ones, but the other day, in all my recent frustrations about moving on and how exactly to go about that, my mind just kept going back to the movie ‘Aladdin’. The part where Aladdin shows up outside Jasmine’s balcony and invites her to go for a ride with him… on the magic carpet. And he simply looks her in the eye, hand stretched out and says:
~
“Do you trust me?”
~
And she knows that she must decide. Should she take the chance of a lifetime and see all this Prince has to offer? or stay within the confines of her structured palace, settling for a ‘comfortable’ life full of certainty? And all week long, I kept hearing this very question asked of me.
~
“Do you trust Me?”
~
Only it’s not ‘Prince Alla-b00-boo’, rather it’s the Prince of Peace. Ruler over all of creation. Mighty hand stretched out to me, challenging me:

“Jessica, do you trust Me?”
~

And you’d think by now I would know. That it would be an almost instinctive “Yes! Of course!” Of course, I would know that I could entrust my life and my heart to the very One who formed them. That ‘the One Who loved me enough to die for me could be absolutely trusted with the total concerns of the life that He saved’. And that even though He doesn’t promise it to be a smooth ride, He promises to hold my hand the whole way through. You’d think I’d be ready to take that leap of faith. Right into His arms, wherever they may take me. On the ride of a lifetime. Full of hope. Promise. Peace. But, you’d be amazed at what fear can do.

'The Help'

2010-01-26T23:13:00.003-05:00

Reading the latest ‘big book’ ~ “The Help” by Kathryn Stockett.

And, believe me… it is definitely a BIG BOOK.

But, very intriguing. And peculiar that it would come to my attention right after reading “Same Kind of Different As Me”.

Taking longer to read this one, but actually enjoying taking my time with it.

…. Now, off to knock out the next few chapers… Gotta see what happens next!!!

Contentment -vs- Complacency (aka ~ Sunday Stirrings)

2010-01-24T20:48:00.005-05:00

Let me just say: I love the Israelites.

Not to say that I’m proud of it, but I must say they’re my kind of people. And they never fail to make me feel better about myself and my own self-centered, stubborn inclinations. I know from them that I’m at least in ‘good company’.

But, as I read up on their journey through the desertlands tonight, I have to admit that even they are making me look bad! And leaving me to rethink where I am on my own path and what kind of ground I’m covering… or rather not covering.

Allow me to explain.

We are told back in Exodus 15 of how the Israelites were led from the Red Sea into the Desert of Shur. There, they traveled for three days without finding any water. No water. In the desert. For three whole days. Not good, right?

So, from there they pressed on to Marah. And finally, they found water!! But, wait… not so fast… it’s too bitter to drink. What?!? Might as well have been a mirage. Now, that’s just cruel. Who can blame them for their grumbling? Something just tells me that I would be right there with the best of ‘em.

But, as it turned out, the Lord had a simple solution that they discovered upon crying out to Him. Problem solved. Moving on…

Next destination: Elim. And all we get is one verse to tell us of this stop. “Then they came to Elim, where there were twelve springs and seventy palm trees, and they camped there near the water.”

(Next verse): “The whole Israelite community set out from Elim and came to the Desert of Sin, which is between Elim and Sinai, on the 15th day of the 2nd month after they had come out of Egypt.”

Next thing you know…. they’re back at their grumbling and complaining. So, first thing that crossed my mind: Why didn’t they stay longer in Elim?? My word, it sounds like Paradise! They had it made in the literal shade! Palms and springs in the desert?! Who would want to pull up stakes from there to continue on to the Desert of Sin?

Well, evidently the Israelites. And I’m thinking “Why???“

Then, I’m reminded, that even through the grumbling and complaining, bad attitudes and rose-colored rear view perspective…. they were still set on being obedient (at least for the overviewed, generally speaking, most part) and pressing on toward God’s promised land.

And that’s when it occurs to me, that my ‘good and plentiful company’ just left me in the dust. In the land of ‘good enough’. Left alone to determine the fine line between contentment and complacency. Completely missing out on the provisions of His hand in the Desert of Sin. And eventually forgoing the promised land flowing with milk and honey.

Withering in the shade of my 'prosperity'. Pruning up in my plentiful springs. Forced to live on coconut milk.

And I really hate coconuts.

.... If you'll just .... excuse me .... for just one .... minute....

….. “Hey, everybody! …. Wait up for me!!!!”

*For more Sunday Stirrings: http://www.jodiyork.com/2010/01/24/sunday-stirrings-forgiveness/

My Latest Read

2010-01-18T19:28:00.009-05:00

Breezed through yet another book this weekend ~ “Same Kind of Different as Me”. And wow. Yet another inspirational true life story.

Don’t know how to better describe it than the back of the book
cover, so here you go… If you haven’t checked it out, I encourage you to. Quite a story!

To read more about it:
http://www.samekindofdifferentasme.com/

A Little SuNdAy FuN!

2010-01-17T15:32:00.002-05:00

I’ve been on a kick lately with working puzzles out of my Variety Puzzle magazines. And in going through some old posts of mine, I came across this little gem, so thought I’d resurrect it for those who haven’t seen it yet and let you share in the fun. (And in the spirit of full disclosure, I’ll have you know that it’s been so long since I’ve worked it, that I’m still looking for the last two!) Enjoy!

Find the Books of the Bible

I once made a remark about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a lulu, kept people looking so hard for facts and for others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam, especially since the names of the books were not capitalized, but the truth finally struck home to numbers of readers. To others, it was a real job. We want it to be a most fascinating few moments for you. Yes, there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require judges to help them. I will quickly admit it usually takes a minister to find one of them and there will be loud lamentations when it is found. A little lady says she brews a cup of tea, so she can concentrate better. See how well you can compete. Relax now, for there really are sixteen names of books in the bible in this story!

… No cheating!!!

This is My Story... (continued)

2010-01-14T23:06:00.006-05:00

(for previous ‘Story’ posts: http://bittersweetjess.wordpress.com/2009/09/14/this-is-my-story-this-is-my-song-continued )

Okay. So, I’ve actually been intending on continuing on with my testimony posts for some time now, but, tonight I find myself needing the reminders of God’s provision and hand on my life more than anyone.

They say that ”timing is everything”. Well, I don’t know that it’s everything, but it sure can make an impact. And you may call it coincidence. But, I choose to believe in something more. Especially, when you feel in your heart of hearts that it’s something more.

By the end of the last post, I was in a new school (10 x bigger), in a new state (750 miles closer to the equator), and a whole different culture, muddling through just to make it to graduation. High school was basically “survive and get out” those last two years. Never was big on the whole school thing anyway, but not really having many friends just perpetuated that feeling.

So, about halfway through Senior year (I guess?) they had a college fair, with all different colleges represented. I hadn’t even been here long enough to really know what was out there. But, having to ‘go with the flow’ anyway and not having anyone to hang with, I just remember slowly walking through the tables, just half-heartedly picking up a brochure here and there.

Then, I heard a friendly voice say “You looking for a small school? or a large school?”

Looking up, I said “Definitely small. I’m out of my element even here.” He said “Well then, Piedmont’s the school for you!” It was Mark Whiting, from Piedmont College up in Demorest (that I’d never even heard of) and oddly enough, without ever having even seen the place, something in me just knew that he was right.

From the moment we exited for the first time off of 365, I knew that’s where I belonged. It just felt like ‘home’. Always did and I suppose, always will.

Got up there the next fall, made some quick friends, and all was going well. Even got me a serious little boyfriend… Things were finally falling into place. By that first summer, I couldn’t wait to get back up there. I had two different friends wanting to room with me and I’d be seeing much more of the fella.

Well, summer didn’t even end before hearing news that one friend wouldn’t be returning to school. The other was coming back married and pregnant. And it wasn’t even October before boyfriend “got in a car accident, hit (his) head and forgot (my) phone number”. (No lie. Verbatim right there, folks. Smoooth, eh?)

Needless to say… not the year I had anticipated. As it turned out, many of my quick friends did not return, many of them were friends of the fella, and the other friend was a little preoccupied, being newly wed and preggo. And the roommate I ended up with? Let’s just say she wasn’t the sweetest thing on the block. And it seemed as though any friends I had anywhere up to that point just…. disappeared from my life. Many hurts and many betrayals during that time.

I think, for whatever reason, I was already headed for depression that year, but all of these factors just put me completely over the edge. I don’t know that anyone really knew (aside from my roommate… that is, if she even noticed). But, I cried every day. For the better part of that school year. And thank God for the preggo friend. Without her, I wouldn’t have so much as eaten all year either. I only ate when she invited me over for dinner.

That was the hardest year of my life.

And it kills me now, to think that it never once occurred to me to turn to God, a Bible or even to church. Not once. I felt so alone. And so helpless. The tears sting my eyes even now. I wouldn’t wish that feeling on my worst enemy.

Thankfully, the following year, I wound up with a much sweeter roommate. She was rarely there, but would leave me sweet beautifully scripted notes if someone called for me. And yet again, I had gotten to the point of “Just get me out of here and I will put it all behind me”. Muddle through. And move on.

But, even though I had that thinking, my heart reminded me that I couldn’t move on. I needed closure with the boyfriend. I don’t remember what prompted it, but I remember as if it were last week… I just broke down and finally cried out… to Whoever was listening… “Please just give me closure. I miss him as a friend. I miss all my friends. Please. All I ask is for closure. I have got to be able to move on.”

That was about 10:00 on a Saturday night. And about an hour later, the phone rang. I assumed it was either crazy Javier or a wrong number. It wasn’t. It was the boyfriend. Mr. Bumped His Head called on a Saturday night. First time in over a year. Just to talk. And we talked for nearly 3 hours that night. Both knowing it would be the last time.

But, what mattered even more than talking to him, was the fact that I was ‘heard’. By Whoever. I hung up the phone that night… and moved on… with a peace I had not known in quite some time…

"Sunday Stirrings"

2010-01-11T21:24:00.003-05:00

In the middle of the night something startled the man, and he turned and discovered a woman lying at his feet. ”Who are you?” he asked. ”I am your servant Ruth,” she said. “Spread the corner of your garment over me, since you are a kinsman-redeemer.”
“The LORD bless you, my daughter,” he replied. “This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier: You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. And now, my daughter, don’t be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character. Although it is true that I am near of kin, there is a kinsman-redeemer nearer than I. Stay here for the night, and in the morning, if he wants to redeem, good; let him redeem. But if he is not willing, as surely as the LORD lives, I will do it. Rest until morning.”

I’m just wrapping up the Kelly Minter study on “Ruth” this week and though each section has held interesting tid-bits I’ve never had the opportunity to nibble on before, there was a day this week that just really tugged at my heartstrings. A connection I had never made.

To read this passage of Ruth, you just appreciate the topical story at hand, if you’re like me. But, Kelly makes a correlation using it, that just gives the whole story a richer, more relatable meaning. She likens it to that of the time Jesus spent in the Garden of Gethsemane.

They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.”
He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.”
Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. “Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”

Kelly points out “both Boaz and Christ waited through a long night before arriving at a place where they were able to redeem. Both had obstacles standing in their way. Both had people whose lives depended on their ability to save.”
And, whether we’re asked to ‘rest until morning’ like Ruth or ‘keep watch and pray’ like the disciples, we are to remain close to our Redeemer as we wait.

And I don’t know about you, but I needed that reminder.

*For more Sunday Stirrings, check out my sister Jodi’s blog. She’s just begun hosting Sunday Stirrings as an outlet to share our weekly ’stirrings’ of the soul. And if you have a 'stirring' you'd like to share, C'mon! The more the merrier!!

Living out Your Story

2010-01-03T21:43:00.004-05:00

Read a blog post the other day (yes, I still read them, even though I’ve gotten quite lax about writing one…) that was an interesting take on the whole New Year’s Resolutions idea.

It comes from Donald Miller’s blog and he, being an author puts our lives in the perspective of a storyline, if you will. Each month, each year, merely chapters making up a larger life story.

I just keep thinking about my storyline and the direction it’s taken and perhaps the direction I’d like to see it take. Any possible protagonists or antagonists I have met, or may encounter along the way.

I already know the main characters and setting. But, what about the plot? The recurring theme? The tone? Is it a work I could be proud of? What could it be titled up to this point? What would I like it to be titled? How can I live my life in such a way that this title would be fitting?

Like I say… very interesting. And thought-provoking. And maybe it’s just me, but I know I’m going into this whole new year with a whole new outlook on my life. And who knows… maybe a year from now, I’ll be looking back on a whole new story.

“If we don’t want something in our lives, our stories feel boring, long, meaningless and tired. We feel this way because we are sitting in the theater of our mind watching a story that isn’t getting started. Or worse, we are praying and asking God to give us a story while the entire time God is handing us a pen, telling us to write it ourselves. That’s why he gave us a will.”

Is there anything you would rewrite about your life if you could (bearing in mind, you can only change the present and the future… not so much the past)? If so, what and how?

2010-01-03T17:33:00.005-05:00

For the video links to the Grace series I had referenced to back in November, from Passion City Church...

~
http://bittersweetjess.wordpress.com/2010/01/03/follow-up/

'Tis the Season...

2009-12-05T22:00:00.003-05:00

*Please don’t take this post the wrong way and know that the true meaning of Christmas is certainly not lost on me and that it indeed means the world to me and I am not the least bit ashamed to say that. That said… *

I feel sorry for the word ‘holiday’. I’m sure you know where I’m going with this. It’s become such a heated subject. ‘Christmas’ -vs- ‘Holiday’. ‘Christmas’ -vs- ‘Holiday’. I remember when the two were synonymous and joyfully went hand in hand and yet now, it seems, one is good and the other evil. I just feel like ‘holiday’ got caught in the crossfire. So, I can’t help but feel bad for it.

Now, I understand how folks (aka- corporations/ gov’t offices…) in today’s culture use it as a watered down, generalized, politically correct, don’t-wanna-step-on-any-toes replacement for the real deal ‘Christmas’. And, yes, that’s right up there on my list, along with no prayer in school and doing away with ‘In God We Trust’ on the currency (slowly, but oh so surely). And maybe if the alternate was a more secular word, I’d be more ruffled, but ‘holiday’ couldn’t have a more innocent intent. Aside from the British referring to their vacation time, its meaning is simply: ”A religious feast day; a holy day”. *Gasp!* Is that not what Christmas is?

Now, when it comes to those situations where officials try to dictate that you cannot say “Merry Christmas” (as a store clerk, for example), you certainly should take a stand, if that’s what you choose to say. But, I guess on the flip side, I resent being dictated to say “Merry Christmas” in order to prove to others that I am, indeed a Christian. Not that I wouldn’t say “Merry Christmas” otherwise. But, it’s become such a political stand now that it almost feels like I’m more trying to prove something than just sweetly wish folks (what should be) a blessed Holy Christmas season. And I resent the fact that now, should I get a Christmas card from someone that sweetly says “Happy Holidays” on the front, that my immediate reaction is that of judgment and bitterness. Instead of simple joy and appreciation.

Oh, how satan must love this time of year.

I guess I just hate all the lines being drawn in the sand. But, I guess it’s just the times we live in. And if I have to choose which side of the line I’m on, I will side on the politically incorrect side of “Merry Christmas”. But, not without feeling a little bit sad for the word ‘holiday’. That’s all.

2009-11-23T18:59:00.003-05:00

You know, there are great advantages to living so close to Atlanta, Ga.

One is that it’s the home of Chick-Fil-A and Waffle House. ~ Top that.
Another is that Hartsfield airport is one of the major hubs of air travel.
Third, we’re close to the Atlanta gift mart. (Major plus when you’re in retail.)
And lastly, we have the opportunity to go to regular worship with the likes of Louie Giglio and Chris Tomlin. ….Awesome!

Two weeks ago, I mentioned having gone to Passion City Church for the first time. It’s Louie Giglio, from Northpoint Community Church, heading up a new church for the greater Atlanta area. And the last time we checked it out, it was a message on grace being the power of Christ in us. Very powerful.

Well, I was excited to get to attend again this week for a continued message on grace: “Grace: The One and Only”.

Louie said, that in response to his previous messages on grace, he’s usually confronted with four common concerns:

It all sounds too easy.
Isn’t grace just permission to keep sinning?
Shouldn’t I be doing something??
I tried. It didn’t work.

Last night was his effort to address these concerns.

First concern: “It all sounds too easy.”

Louie refers us to Philippians 2:5-8. “Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men. Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

It may sound all too easy. But, it certainly wasn’t easy when he was crushed, broken and pierced, paying the price, all alone, for our transgressions.
And as for our part… it may be easier said than done. When’s the last time you tried to humble yourself to complete obedience and die to self?

Moving right along….

Second concern: “Isn’t grace just permission to keep sinning?”

You know, sometimes I just love how the human mind works. Always looking for loopholes. Dressed up in the appearance of justification. And I love how God calls us out on it. In this instance, through Paul, in his letter to the Romans.
Paul responds to those who may have had a somewhat distorted view of God’s grace, arguing that since grace would be more abundant where sin was greater, they should just go on sinning in order to experience more grace. …. You know, just to help God out and give Him all the more glory. (I love it.)

In Chapter 6 (verse 2), Paul says “May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it?!” Louie says that the Greek equivalent to “May it never be” or “By no means” or the likes is our “ **** no!” (So, needless to say, Paul was rather emphatic on this point.)

Paul reiterates in 15-18: “What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? May it never be! (Yikes! Here it is again!) Do you not know that when you present yourselves to someone as slaves for obedience, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin resulting in death, or of obedience resulting in righteousness? But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness.”

We are all enslaved to something. Either to Him or to our sinful earthly nature.

To this point, Louie reminds us that true grace develops a desire to be more like Christ. The key is freedom. If the desire is not there to become more holy (set apart for God), you have not yet experienced true grace. It’s not until you feel the weight of the sins that He bore for you, that you have entered the grace that He is offering you. True grace propels you toward obedience. True grace births a hunger for His holiness.

Third concern: “Shouldn’t I be doing something??”

To address this concern, Louie directs us to 1 Corinthians 15:9-10: “For I am the least of all the apostles. In fact, I’m not even worthy to be called an apostle after the way I persecuted God’s church. But whatever I am now, it is all because God poured out his special favor on me—and not without results. For I have worked harder than any of the other apostles; yet it was not I but God who was working through me by his grace.”

This goes back to the whole Christ working through me message.

Louie states that “Grace fuels furious work” but quickly reminds us that it is “with a whole new motive.”
We begin to act purposefully in grace not SO THAT we (fill in the blank) but rather BECAUSE we (fill in the blank). For example, we live out our lives in a manner of grace BECAUSE we are children of God, not SO THAT we will be a child a God. And so on and so forth…

His grace is already extended. We don’t have to earn it. We never could, even if we tried. Which brings us to the last concern.

Fourth concern: “I tried. It didn’t work.”

This one kind of hits back on the previous message, too, of Christ at work through me. And the whole idea of rededication. But, this time Louie points us back to Philippians 2:1-4: “If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any tenderness and mercies, make my joy complete, being likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord and of one mind. Let nothing be done through strife or vain glory, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem the other better than himself. Look not every man to his own things, but every man also to the things of others.”

In other words, Louie says “Don’t work FOR your salvation… work it OUT.” This begins with a humble spirit… with grace and with others.

“For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.” (Phil. 2:13)

God works in us, to will and do (aka: the want-to and the know-how) accordingly. But, sometimes, Louie realizes, we even need a want-to to want to. And sometimes we don’t even want THAT want-to. But, he says “That’s alright. Even without a want-to, God’s grace is still there for us. Grace is about the next step, no matter where you are on the journey.”

God is extending His grace to you.
It’s up to you to believe it and receive it and see what it will do in your life.

All a Matter of Perspective

2009-11-22T14:19:00.004-05:00

“Listen to this, you pleasure-loving kingdom, living at ease and feeling secure. You say, ‘I am the only one, and there is no other. I will never be a widow or lose my children…” (Isaiah 27:8)

Today, I am disheartened. Frustrated. And quite honestly, embarrassed.
To live in a nation such as ours and see such a skewed perspective on the whole.

We can mourn the passing of iconic (unnamed) entertainers for months, and even the future retirements of other iconic (unnamed) celebrities… and yet not give the downtrodden a second thought.
And we indulge in the richest foods known to man… while there are countless brothers and sisters in the world who’d be thrilled just to have clean water to drink.

The other evening, I had the great opportunity to hear Shaun Groves. And I’m so glad I got to go. Not only a gifted musician and singer, such a great example of a man after God’s own heart. Performing his music (for free) all over the country, he now not only shares his musical talent, but also his heart for Compassion International.

In raising awareness for Compassion, he told the story of how he got to meet one of his sponsored families. I encourage you to read it stra ight from him.

But, the part that made the greatest impression on me and hit me straight in the gut, on behalf of our entire privileged nation was this:
He described visiting one home in particular, that would fit in most of our garages here. With one little bench to sit on, that the father had made and discarded trash as a roof over their heads. At night, the ladies got to sleep inside, their fellas out in the street. And with eyes aglow, the girl proudly asked “Do you like my home?”

Later, he described being led through town, past complete squalor and desitution when he noticed big tears in the girl’s eyes. And when he asked what was wrong, she said “Oh, nothing! I just love God SO much!”

It was then that Shaun had to ask himself. Who are the truly poor here? Us, living under the shelter of false security of wealth and privilege? Or them, trusting in the shelter of the Most High for their every need for mere survival?

Jesus said that when we do for the least of these, we do unto Him. How about this year for Christmas, we focus on the One whose birth it is all about and do unto the least of these, in His name.

It’s so easy, in our culture, to turn and look the other way. We’re blessed to have that choice. But, others don’t and they need our help.
Let’s not go down as just another self-indulgent Babylonian empire saying “I am self-sufficient and not accountable to anyone!” (Isaiah 47:10)

“No end in sight that I can see,
Today is blocked by the mirror in front of me.

A wreck, a death, tsunami tide,
It mildly stirs me, I must confide.
TV claims tens of thousands gone.
Oh well, let’s see what else is on.

Numb to the stunning sight
Of each new dawn,
Sinking fast in Babylon.” (Beth Moore)

Blue Like Jazz

2009-11-16T12:19:00.003-05:00

Okay, so I’ve heard about this book for several years now, always hearing how awesome it is and after having bought it months ago, I finally set my mind to getting it read. And I’m SO glad I did.

I think every non-believer should read this book, as well as anyone who leads in the Christian community.

Donald Miller is not what most would consider your run-of-the-mill conventional Christian writer. He steps outside of the box. And brings you with him. And in doing so, he humbles himself, steps on your toes and brings you off your judgment seat as well – leaving it open for the only One worthy to hold such a place.

Miller is quick not to defend the term Christianity, as by now the term as lost all absolute definition. By this point, Miller says “Stop ten people on the street and ask them what they think of when they hear the word Christianity, and they will give you ten different answers.” He continues ”I would rather talk about Jesus and how I came to believe that Jesus exists and that he likes me.”

And it really can be just that simple. And should be.

Nobody knows for sure what Jesus wrote in the sand in John 8, but I’m pretty sure he wasn’t drawing a line in it.

And just so you know it’s also recommended for its entertainment qualities, I’ll just share the beginning of Chapter 11. I hope that in doing so I don’t ruin it for anyone who’s not already read the book and plans to, but considering the fact that this page makes me laugh out loud every time I read it, I think you’ll still enjoy it, too when you get to it.

“When I was in Sunday School as a kid, my teacher put a big poster on the wall that was shaped in a circle like a target. She had us write names of people we knew who weren’t Christians on little pieces of paper, and she pinned the names to the outer circle of the target. She said our goal, by the end of the year, was to move those names from the outer ring of the circle, which represented their distance from knowing Jesus, to the inner ring, which represented them having come into a relationship with Jesus. I thought the strategy was beautiful because it gave us a goal, a visual.

I didn’t know any people who weren’t Christians, but I was a child with a fertile imagination so I made up some names; Thad Thatcher was one and William Wonka was another. My teacher didn’t believe me which I took as an insult, but nonetheless, the class was excited the very next week when both Thad and William had become Christians in a dramatic conversion experience that included the dismantling of a large satanic cult and underground drug ring. There was also levitation involved.

Even though they didn’t exist, Thad and William were the only people to become Christians all year. Nobody else I knew became a Christian for a very long time, mostly because I didn’t tell anybody about Jesus except when I was drunk at a party, and that was only because so many of my reservations were down, and even then nobody understood me because I was either crying or slurring my words.”

Go get this book. You won’t be sorry.

Our Claimed Treasure

2009-11-12T22:44:00.002-05:00

Great

Aunt Leona

Oh, wow. Where do you start, with such a remarkable lady?

You were given 96 years and lived life to the fullest, but I think we half-way expected you to live about 96 more.

You played a mean game of Rummy and taught me about ‘groovers’. You insisted on ‘cutting the stack’ and took no prisoners. But, we still had a good time playing.

You loved to tell stories, larger than life. Each time with that same hearty laugh like you’d never told it before.We heard the same ones time and again. But, they never got old and we’d laugh just the same.

You were golf’s biggest fan. You both watched it and played it. You didn’t pick up the game until you were 32, but you played ’til the end. (I wonder now, how the Pro’s will ever play without you.)

You’d send us our birthday cards, with money inside. Quarters for every year we would celebrate. It wasn’t a million, but it seemed like it to us.

You ran your own business for most of your life. A ‘beauty operator’ who knew all in town. You swore you’d write a memoir one day, of all that you heard from your chair, but I guess you never did. (Probably just as well.)

You never did marry. Proudly proclaimed yourself as an ‘unclaimed treasure’. But, you never gave up hope on me. You’d pray every day to St. Anthony (aka: ‘Tony’- Patron Saint of Lost and Found) on my behalf to find ‘the one’ for me.

Oh, Leona, you’re lotto tickets and Omaha steaks and 5 o’clock drinks and so much more… you’ll continue to be with us in so many ways.

But, why couldn’t it have just been about 96 more?

~
( http://mywebtimes.com/archives/ottawa/display.php?id=385323 )

* Grrr.... Player still not working.

Wanted to use "When Irish Eyes are Smiling" on this one. *

Christ in You

2009-11-11T22:53:00.004-05:00

“Grace is not simply leniency when we have sinned. Grace is the enabling gift of God not to sin. Grace is power, not just pardon.” ~ John Piper

The other night, I had the opportunity to check out Louie Giglio’s Passion City Church. Needless to say, it was awesome. I mean, anything that starts off with Chris Tomlin and Christy Nockels leading worship and ends with a church-wide prayer to send a sweet empassioned girl off to West Africa to return to the mission field after having just lost her mother suddenly… yeah. Awesome. In the truest sense of the word.

But, Louie was continuing a series on Grace ~ or as he puts it: “the power of God living in me”. He started us off in Colossians 3:5-10:

“Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.”

Yikes. Talk about a tall order. Basically, just do everything that is against your earthly nature, and you’ll be fine. Yeah… okay. Sure. But, what happens after your feet hit the floor in the morning??

Louie pointed out that a lot of us get caught in the mindset of: “Christ died for me! The least I can do is not lust or slander or be angry or greedy, lie or use filthy language.” Next thing you know, you’ve broken about 3 or 4 of these and you haven’t even left the house yet!

That’s when we start rededicating, as Louie says. And then rededicating our rededication. And rededicating the rededication of our rededication. And so on and so forth. (Sound familiar? Maybe it’s just me….) Saying “I promise… this time… (will be different).” Only to have the same results and ending up back at square one… defeated and often self-condemned. All the while being very well-intended, but… well, I think we all know where the road of good intentions leads.

As Louie reminded us, it is impossible to live all of this out in the flesh… in our own strength, that is. We must let Christ live it out through us. He is not only our Savior or ‘payment’ but our “life” (Col. 3:4).

“God has chosen to make known among the Gentiles the glorious riches of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory” (Col. 1:27).

Paul continues, “To this end I labor, struggling with all his energy, which so powerfully works in me” (Col. 1:29).

It’s normal to struggle. Even with all of His energy. We’re still merely humans. But, if we allow Him to live in us, He will be able to do powerful works through us!

I can’t! But, He can!!

Step forward in faith. And see what He wants to do through you.

* The illustration of the storage bins tied in, too. But, I could never begin to illustrate that the way Louie did. So, I guess you had to be there. But, when he gets the series online, I’ll post it for you. *

(Oh. And, you must know that it is driving me crazy that I can't get my playlist to cooperate. But, if I were able to connect a song with this post, it would be "Everything" by Tim Hughes. Who knows... maybe I'll get it to work before too long.) :)

Grip of Fear

2009-10-26T21:10:00.003-04:00

Last week, in our Esther study, Beth Moore spoke to something that just really spoke volumes to me.

She said that a friend of hers had requested prayer for her mother, who’d had breast cancer and thankfully come through it and now lives cancer-free. However, now she finds herself overcome with fear with the least littlest thing.

She followed that up in saying that she has heard this same testimony, over and over, from so many people who say “The thing about it is, while going through it, I felt the strength and power. But, after I came out of it, I got a stronghold of fear about ever going back into it.”

WOW. Now, I don’t know if this speaks to any of you, but it really wouldn’t surprise me if it didn’t, because I’m all but convinced that it was spoken just for me.

But, Beth then responded to this thought saying “God’s grace is given according to our NEED ~ not what we have made up out of our FEAR.
“We want God to give us strength for our vain imaginations, but He says ‘You’re making that up! I’m not going to give you strength in that! I want to set you FREE from fear! Not help you think up stuff!’ “

Ouch!! Talk about hitting home! This is where I’ve staked a tent and camped out for WAY too long now. ”Somewhere in the middle.” Knowing all that He’s done, and yet not fully trusting in all He’ll do.

Lord, please help me to loosen my grip on all the fears that hold me back from living the life You’d have me to live. Help me not to dwell on all the disappointments and hurts, but rather hold onto all that You’ve done in my life and all the times You’ve proven more than trustworthy, in those times when I’ve turned to You.

Mirage

2009-10-19T00:30:00.006-04:00

(The following is an excerpt from Max Lucado’s “Come Thirsty”)

“Don’t make the mistake that the associates of Lawrence of Arabia made. He took them to Paris after World War I. They had never seen such sights. The Arc de Triomphe, Napoleon’s tomb, the Champs Élysées. But nothing impressed these men from the Arabian Desert more than the faucet in the bathtub of their hotel room. They turned it on and off, on and off, amazed that with a twist of the wrist they could have all the water they wanted.

When the time came to leave Paris and return to the east, Lawrence found them in the bathroom with wrenches, trying to disconnect the spout. ‘We need faucets,’ they explained. ‘If we have them, we will have all the water we want.’

They didn’t understand the role of the faucet. Spouts carry water, not produce it. Spigots are the tool, not the source. The valve might direct fluid, but generate it? No. We know this…

Or do we? Through what faucets has God poured his love into your life? A faithful church? A prayerful spouse? Time-tested traditions? A girlfriend in college or a grandma from childhood? God’s water passes through many faucets. His gift comes in many packages. The treasure, however, is not the plumbing or the box, not the container of the gift. No, the treasure is the Giver Himself.

… God describes Himself as ‘the fountain of living water’ (Jer. 2:13). Thank Him for the faucets, but don’t trust them to nourish you.”

“If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me [not to my prophets or people] and drink” (John 7:37).

Why is it that even as a self-professed follower of Christ, I find myself so quickly (and repeatedly) running to all my other ‘resources’ before finally tapping into THEE Resource? The One Who promises “a perpetual spring within (me)” (John 4:14)? Why, so often, is He my last resort? When all other sources run dry? When He’s done nothing other than prove Himself faithful and true to His Word every time I do come to Him thirsty?

Lord, ‘Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wandering heart to Thee’!

Meaning in the Monotonous

2009-10-07T23:27:00.006-04:00

“Writing in a diary is a really strange experience for someone like me. Not only because I’ve never written anything before, but also because it seems to me that later on neither I nor anyone else will be interested in the musings of a thirteen-year-old schoolgirl.” ( Anne Frank ~ June 20, 1942 )

The alarm goes off. I bury my face deeper into the pillow, wishing I hadn’t stayed up so late again… promising myself ‘I won’t do that tonight’… again. But then as the sun, slowly and steadily, begins to spill into the room, I become aware of the birds beckoning outside my window. I hear a praise song pouring out of the radio next to me. And I begin to feel it. Hope. Promise. A new day. With new beginnings. Like the breath of fresh air this time of year. Change. Difference. A new direction. A new tomorrow where ANYthing is possible!

I read my devotional. Spend some time in prayer, thanking Him for a new day. Another chance at redemption and renewal. And I voice the concerns that have been laid upon my heart.

By this time, doused with the Holy Spirit and completely inundated with worship music, I am ready to face the day. Totally geared up to see what He has in store for me to do!

Next thing I know (and I’m not quite sure why this still surprises me, on some level?) I’m back behind the counter at the Gift Shop where I’ve worked for the past 14 years. Asking myself “Wait… Wasn’t I supposed to do something big and wonderful for You today, Lord? How can I be back here? This certainly can’t be what You had in mind for me to do for Your glory? It’s too simple. Too mundane. Too…. ordinary??”

Then the Lord challenges me “Do you mean to say, that this ’simple, mundane, ordinary’ life of yours is beneath Me? Too insignificant for Me to work in? Au contraire mon Chéri.” (Oh, yeah. My God can speak ALL the languages. And He even knows which ones I’ve retained.) :-}
“I AM the One Who made man from dust… Dust! Took ‘ordinary’ water and turned it into wine! An ‘ordinary’ Jewish girl into the Queen of Persia! And you don’t think I can use your so-called ‘ordinary’ life?”

“A~hem. Yes, Sir. Well… when You put it that way… I suppose YOU might be able to do something with it.
Lord, in that case, please just help me to be obedient to what You’d have me do. Right here. Right now. This day. And every day.”

“Now you’re talking. Let’s just see what we can accomplish together…”

Anne Frank kept a journal.
Mother Theresa wiped the mouths and held the hands of the ‘forgotten’, downtrodden and infirm.
Imagine what God can do with your ‘ordinary’ life to make it extraordinary, if only you place it in His hands!
~

“If you can’t do great things, do small things in a great way. Don’t wait for great opportunities. Seize common, everyday ones and make them great.” ~ Napoleon Hill

F A I T H

2009-10-05T19:39:00.003-04:00

Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.

Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence. See synonyms at belief, trust.

Loyalty to a person or thing; allegiance: keeping faith with one’s supporters.

The theological virtue defined as secure belief in God and a trusting acceptance of God’s will.

The body of dogma of a religion: the Muslim faith.

A set of principles or beliefs.

Being a student of human nature and trying to figure out what makes people ‘tick’, I’m always curious as to how one has come to believe what he or she believes. What has led them to this place. The ground they’ve chosen to stand firmly upon. Or perhaps, in some cases, not so firmly.

I’ve been reading a book explaining some fundamental differences in some of the more major religions and to be honest, my brain has just shut down. I can’t comprehend any more of it right now. Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam… my brain is just swimming with all the jargon, the stances, the foundations and their leaders.

Some of them quite different from Christianity, some not as different. But, at least they believe something. What I can’t understand or comprehend is the person who avidly believes … nothing. And with such passion and conviction. This doesn’t make sense to me. How can one be SO empassioned over… nothing?

A while back, in a search for the story Paul Harvey would tell on the radio every year at Christmastime, I googled something along the lines of “Paul Harvey Christmas Story” and it returned several suggestions. One of which being a man who had formed ‘ex-Christian.net’ and put the most horrendous spin on the story you will ever hear.

Last time I saw the page, I just quickly, yet sadly, flipped back on to the other sources, hoping to forget all that he said. But today, I forced myself to linger longer. To try to dig deeper. And, to be quite honest, my heart is just absolutely broken. My soul is heavy and my eyes brimmed with tears, not only for this gentleman and others with the same view, but for the Father Who sees and knows all of our hearts. And in them, all our doubts, anger, fear and unbelief.

And I think that’s what so many miss? The heart knowledge. They spend so much time trying to logically figure out all the head knowledge, they don’t open themselves up to the glory of not having to know it all and have it all figured out. The wonder of experiencing what we call FAITH. For it’s only when you open yourself up to something bigger than yourself, that you even begin to understand why one believes such ‘illogical’ ‘lofty’ views. And I, for one, am proud to be a fool for Jesus.

2009-09-28T14:11:00.005-04:00

There seems to be a resurgence in the blogosphere here lately, so I just thought I’d take the time today to introduce and perhaps, reintroduce my Blog Roll.

‘Alter-Ego’ ~ Just that. My other blog. The original one I started back in May ‘06. The one with the deeply thought-out, agonized over coordinating soundtrack. Pretty much the one solid reason I won’t leave Blogger for WordPress.

‘Arms Wide Open’ ~ SUCH a great blog! And the guy who makes me proud to be a SLOB. Last summer, the guys of MercyMe had a SLOB of the month (Spectacular League of Bloggers). Proudly, I was the first to receive the accolade and Aaron was the subsequent SLOB honored right after me. Great guy with a beautiful family… truly a man after God’s own heart with a steady stream of amazing posts.

‘Beth Moore’ ~ Goes without saying. The Living Proof Ministries blog. Getting to know Beth outside of her mind-blowing studies.

‘Blessed Builder’ ~ Sweet Kathy, my new facebook friend! :-} Shares with us her life in beautiful Wisconsin and insights into her heart and mind.

‘Bring the Rain’ ~ The now well-known and highly-acclaimed blog of Angie Smith, wife of Todd Smith of the group Selah. Started blogging primarily as a result of losing her sweet little baby Audrey. Now, more on the casual side, but the original posts utterly gut-wrenching and soul-inspiring.

‘Confessions of a Pioneer Woman’ ~ One word. HILARIOUS. That woman is multi-talented if there ever was one. Not only does she take amazing pictures of her unbelievable life on the ranch (with husband and 4 kids!) and cook like a top-notch chef at the finest restaurant, that girl can WRITE! There is just simply nobody else like Ree Drummond. She’s awesome.

‘Covington Outdoors’ ~ Amanda Lindsay, a sweet face from Eastridge, my church home. She, too shares glimpses into her life and her heart.

‘Dash of Grace’ ~ This is my friend Danielle, from Tuesday night bible study. She shares her heart in what it’s like to be a new Mommy to what may be one of the cutest little boys ever!?

‘Farmers Almanac’ ~ Wow. I’ve been following this one for a while now. I met Shana thru blogging… well, I don’t even remember how now? But, I’m glad I did. She’s a great blogger (though she, much like me, has somewhat traded blogging for fb these days – we’ll have to work on that…) ~ a sweet girl.

‘Fruit Inspection’ ~ My seestor. :-} Her in’s and out’s of being Mommy to what ARE the two most adorable children! And just, more or less, life how she sees it.

‘Glasses of Grace’ ~ Dianne was, if I remember correctly, my very first commentor on my blog who wasn’t family or an established friend. :-} She hasn’t updated in a while, but she’ll always mean a lot to me.

‘Grant Busbee’ ~ The newest addition from the Eastridge bloggers. Just read his first post today. Great start. Can’t wait to see what else he shares in future posts.

‘Heal the Wound’ ~ This is Heather, wife of Aaron (Arms Wide Open) and she’s just as an amazing writer as her husband. Great thought-provoking posts and insight into her heart as a Mommy, wife and Christian.

‘Heart on the Hill’ ~ D. I think we found each others’ blogs through Luanne? She’s one I haven’t gotten to know as well as I’d like. Look forward to more from her.

‘Henderson Highlights’ ~ My long-time friend, Michelle. Glimpses into her life, now greatly revolving around a littly guy named Eli. :-}

‘Highway 41′ ~ Florida Gator fan, but I guess we’ll forgive him. :-} Shawn found my blog in looking for someone else and since has begun this blog of his own. Great thought-provoking posts… I like to think I taught him everything he knows.

‘Jennifer Hilland’ ~ Another representative of Eastridge. She’s just written a few posts, but I hope she will continue. She’s a very talented, heartful writer.
~
‘Jeremy’ ~ My funny brother-in-law. What can I say… he’s a man of few words.

‘Keeping up with the Hills’ ~ My newest bloggy friend, Jill. She’s so sweet and so is her blog.

‘Less of Me’ ~ I love, love, love this girl. Never met her, but would love to. Not quite sure how we stumbled onto each others’ blogs, but am so glad we did. Great blog and even greater friend.

‘Light Your World’ ~ Greg Sponberg, husband of Nichol Sponberg. I believe started the blog when they lost their little Luke due to ‘crib death’ shortly after Angie and Todd Smith lost their Audrey. They’re actually in-laws and both amazing families, strong in their walks with the Lord.

‘Marty K’ ~ A blog referred by a fellow Eastridge member. Incredible photography and great commentaries.

‘MercyMe’ ~ I think they’ve all but hung up the blog for tweeting and facebooking, but love these guys. They’re just awesome, talent-wise and spirit-wise.

‘Mom of ‘Em’ ~ I actually went to high school with Jodi, back in Illinois. This is probably the one blog I found through facebook? It’s usually the other way around. :-} Sweet and funny.

‘New Normal’ ~ Trey, our newest elected Executive Pastor at ECC. Great thought-provoking posts. Glad he finally broke down and started an official blog. I look forward to future posts.

‘No Matter What Happens’ ~ Kelli. There is nobody I can think of to compare to Kelli. Loving mother to 4 beautiful children, 3 of which have special needs. She never complains. She’s never bitter. Only sweet, loving, nurturing and grateful for each and every day. Truly inspiring and perspective-altering.

‘No Place Like Home’ ~ Michele, actually attends my sister’s church, but I got to know her through the girls’ ballet classes and now even more-so on facebook. Sweet insights into her life as a Mom, devoted wife of a fireman, preschool teacher and Christian.

‘Notes from the Soul’ ~ Stephanie had actually been following my sister’s blog, but I didn’t find her until Beth Moore’s roll call shortly after that. She’s got great posts and spiritual insights.

‘One So Blessed’ ~ Joanne, out in California. Great reminder of how God works all things for good for those who love Him. Sweet gal with a beautiful family.

‘Patsy Clairmont’ ~ The firecracker of the Women of Faith. Hilarious, but heart-touching, too.

‘Pioneer Woman Cooks’ ~ Ree Drummond’s strictly cooking website. Amazing dishes with precise and often hilarious step-by-step instructions.

‘Random Thoughts from the Revolution’ ~ Actually discovered Chris through Kelli’s blog, even though he’s a major component at Eastridge. This is his newest blog with thoughts of both personal interests and thoughts on where our church is headed and what we’re learning as we go.

‘Scott’ ~ Pastor Scott, from Eastridge, and any of his encouragements and thoughts to us as we journey together, as a body in Christ.

‘Stirring the Deep’ ~ Another one I’d actually like to get to know better. She’s been very encouraging to me and has had some very convicting posts lately and I need to just take the time to sit down and scroll through all her previous posts.

‘The Muse’ ~ Keith, another new blogger to pop up from Eastridge. Off to a VERY strong start! He’s focused primarily on our daily readings that we’re reading as a whole at ECC.

‘This Journey is not my Own’ ~ Jennifer… Wait… Jennifer, are you there? :-}

‘Thursday’s Child’ ~ So funny how God works. This one was actually referred to me by Joanne over at One So Blessed. And I LOVE it. It’s one that I won’t let myself even start to read it until I’m in the right frame of mind, because I just know that it’ll be amazing and that I won’t want to miss one word. LOVE Chanda! I’m waiting to hear of the book deal any day now… :-}

‘Unveiling Hope’ ~ Each post, short but poignant. Wonderful blog.

‘Work in Progress’ ~ The blog Jodi and I started for Mom, because we knew she had an inner blogger in there somewhere, with all the stories and fabrications (and of course, two grandchildren to brag about). :-}

‘World of ‘Chelle’ ~ I think met ‘Chelle through Joanne, too? Sweet, funny and inspiring. In a nutshell. Another one we need to work on getting back at blogging. :-}

Wow. Didn’t realize how much my blog roll has grown!! But, I love it! It inspires me! And I hope to keep adding more and more!
So, please, go visit all my fellow SLOBs and see what they have to say! And tell ‘em Bittersweet sent ya! :-}

*The blog roll on here no longer really corresponds. For correspondig blog roll, go to: www.bittersweetjess.wordpress.com .

2009-09-21T11:48:00.005-04:00

Hold On Loosely

Our church is kicking off a new campaign this week called “Life’s Healing Choices” based on the successful ‘Celebrate Recovery’ program that developed out at Saddleback. The first step, as introduced to us yesterday is humbling yourself and admitting that you have a need.

So, in the spirit of the step study, here I go….

Hi. My name is Jessica. And I struggle with having an over-appreciation for others in my life.

Sounds kinda lame, huh. Yeah, it does to me, too. I mean, when you put it out there along with all of those who struggle with alcoholism and drug abuse, child molestation and loss of loved ones… sounds pretty insignificant. But, you’d be surprised at what can become a stronghold in your life. Or rather an idol, as is in my life.

Kelly Minter states in her study ‘No Other Gods’: “If I lose my faith in Him, I will invariably return to the gods I have left behind.” (In my case, those gods oftentimes being people in my life.)

As I go back now and read over this verse, I realize it’s even more applicable to me when reversed and read: “When I invariably return to the gods in my life, I tend to lose my faith in Him.”

I have been SO blessed with SO many amazing people in my life! … Friends. Family. Co-workers. Church family. Bloggers. You name it. … All amazing. But, all fall short of the glory of God. He’s the only True Sustainer. The One True God.

Kelly also shed new light on Isaiah 46:1-2 ~

1 Bel and Nebo, the gods of Babylon,

bow as they are lowered to the ground.

They are being hauled away on ox carts.

The poor beasts stagger under the weight.

2 Both the idols and their owners are bowed down.

The gods cannot protect the people,

and the people cannot protect the gods.

They go off into captivity together.

WOW! I love that! Did you catch that?! “Both the idols and their owners are bowed down!” … and “They go off into captivity together!” How true!!!

And, just like the Israelites melted their gold earrings down to make a golden calf … the same gold earrings that the Lord had blessed them with… I, too, have a great tendancy to turn God’s gifts into gods. (Ex. 12:35-36)

“Some of our false gods can be made of things that are in and of themselves perfectly good; they only become a problem when they take the place of God.” (K. Minter)

And before long, I’m trying to ‘mold’ them into what I need them to be and we are both burdened down and headed for captivity.

So, in the spirit of ‘laying it down’ and casting these strongholds aside, I will be praying the words of A.W. Tozer:

“Father, I want to know Thee, but my cowardly heart fears to give up its toys. I cannot part with them without inward bleeding, and I do not try to hide from Thee the terror of the parting. I come trembling, but I do come. Please root from my heart all those things which I have cherished so long and which have become a very part of my living self, so that Thou mayest enter and dwell there without a rival. Then shalt Thou make the place of Thy feet glorious. Then shall my heart have no need of the sun to shine in it, for Thyself wilt be the light of it, and there shall be no night there. In Jesus’ name… Amen.”

Nobody Notices...

2009-09-17T23:06:00.003-04:00

“Nobody notices what I do until I don’t do it.”

Haven’t we all experienced this at one time or another?

It seems as long as we’re going along, doing a good job (at whatever) nobody has much to say about it. But, sure as we slip up, it seems the whole world notices and has something to say about it! (…or so it may feel…)

And I just got to thinking… this must be how God often feels. When things are going along smoothly and everything is ‘as it should be’ (or so we think), He’s lucky to get a little nod every now and again. But, sure as something bad happens, He’s often the first One to get a finger pointed to.

I suppose it’s only human nature, to some degree, to expect the good and take note of the bad, but I just wonder… as Christians, why is it so easy to believe that God has every capability beyond our comprehension to keep some things from happening ~ enough to blame Him for any bad that’s taken place ~ and yet sometimes struggle so fiercely to believe in Him, trust in Him, and even acknowledge Him for the good?

Or is this just me?

( ...Wait... Don't answer that... )

This is my Story... (continued)

2009-09-14T00:17:00.013-04:00

Follow-up to the first part: http://bittersweetjess.wordpress.com/2009/08/03/this-is-story-this-is-my-song-the-beginning/

Fast forward to 1990.

“What I always feared has happened. What I dreaded has come to be. I have no peace, no quietness.” (Job 3:25)

Okay, so I know there are worse things in life, but to be uprooted as a Junior in high school from a small rural farm town in the Midwest to a thriving metropolis in the Deep South… it seemed at the time I’d be hard pressed to find a fate any worse than just that.

What’s interesting is that I can remember thinking, back before we ever even knew we’d be moving, how lucky I was that my dad had a good, secure job and that we’d never have to worry about something like moving… let alone to the ‘other side of the world’. I had always felt bad for any ‘new kids’ and I just knew that I would never be able to make it through such an experience. Funny what you worry about at 15, especially considering the amount of security I seemed to feel with Dad’s job.

Next thing I know, I’m being sat down and told that just in a matter of weeks, we’d be packing up and leaving our home for Georgia. (….What? Georgia?!) I’d be finishing up my last 2 years of high school with all new people, a million miles away from home, friends, family… the very thing I had sworn I’d never be able to do.

It probably helped that it was such short notice. I don’t really even remember much from the weeks leading up to the move. They were filled with sorting, packing, pitching, house-hunting and somewhere in there, Jodi’s graduation. All very quick and surreal.
Of course, that’s not to say I didn’t have my share of tears and skidmarks all the way down to Atlanta. There were.

However, I was blessed enough to have a best friend from home who helped me through the transition (even bringing an element of excitement to it all) and was there for me. I also acquired a new best friend here, who’d been placed in the same boat as me and shared many of the same thoughts and feelings as I had. Jodi had stayed in Illinois to attend college, so these two relationships meant the world to me.

As it turned out, as overwhelmed and disenfranchised as I may have felt at the time, I had several loyal friends from home who’d written me every week (boy, if only there’d been email and facebook back then!) and a number of new acquaintances here who helped with the transition. And though it may have felt as though I’d been seriously derailed… in my 20/20 hindsight, I see now that it was in keeping me on the right track all along…

I’m studying the book of Esther right now and one of the most intriguing and encouraging elements to the book is the fact that it does not mention the name of God, not once, throughout the entire 10 chapters. However, it is increasingly evident, upon further study, that His fingerprints are all over it. Looking back on these chapters of my life, I’d say the same could be said about my story. He may not have been realized or acknowledged along the way… but I know now that His handprint is most assuredly stamped on every last minute of it…

"Always Looking Up"?

2009-08-24T13:58:00.002-04:00

Everyone loves a good optimist, right? I mean, who wants to hang around with a nay-sayer all the time? Even folks like me, who often tend to have a half-empty glass can appreciate the ones who look into even the most dire of situations with a sunny outlook. I envy them; I want what they have… or do I?

Case in point… Michael J. Fox, highly acclaimed actor of my generation. Who can’t admire this guy for his overcoming spirit and now renowned optimistic attitude? To suffer from Parkinson’s Disease has got to be one of the most physically exhausting and emotionally taxing diseases there is. Yet, Fox just seems to grow all the more determined to fight for his cause, all the while cracking jokes (at his own expense) and crediting his rosy outlook as his source of power and strength.

In perusing through “Today’s Christian Woman” magazine a couple of weeks ago, I was surprised to see them showcase an article about Fox’s newest book “Always Looking Up” in their “The One {everyone is talking about}” feature. Although I haven’t read the book (and perhaps should, to gain a fuller perspective), I did catch the first part of the special they aired on television about 2 months ago. And, although his determination is not to go unappreciated, I honestly turned it off 5 minutes into it.

Though few would argue that he’s deserving of every commendation for his warrior spirit in the midst of such hardship, should we really exhalt him for his rose-colored view on his world?

Although the article quotes Fox as saying it’s been ”an emotional, psychological, intellectual and spiritual outlook that has… saved (him) throughout (his) life with Parkinson’s” and notes that his ” ‘critical supports’ of his life – work, politics, faith and family (have) sustained him throughout the physical and emotional ravages of his disease”… it leaves you wondering exactly where this said “faith” lies?

The article states that “when describing his personal code of ethics, he lists biblically based principles such as ‘Do unto others as you’d have them do to you’ and ‘judge not lest you be judged’ “. However, “sadly, his encounters with Christians who failed to live out those principles – treating him harshly for his support of stem-cell research, emphasizing God’s wrath rather than His love for sinners – have pushed him from Christianity rather than drawn him in.”

And though that is a debate that’s very crucial in our times, that’s not the part that has stuck with me. It’s the next part that keeps getting tossed around my mind and hanging from my heartstrings, wishing I had the words to penetrate through all the ‘gooshy feel-good stuff’ that our culture has become so contented with. And get to the true heart of the matter.

In his book, Fox is quoted as saying “We talk about fear of God as a good thing… but that just makes no sense to me. As a way of motivating people, cultivating fear is easier than investing the time and effort necesary to engender respect. Respect requires greater knowledge, and in my experience, the more you know, the less you fear.”

Wow. How do you contend with that? I understand where he’s coming from… so, how do you, as a Christian, convey the Lord that you not only fear, but have also come to know, love and cherish and hold in high esteem, to those who just hear the words and have never gotten to know the heart?

How do you help them to not only “look up” figuratively, but to “look up” to the true Sustainer and Lifter of our heads?

WOW.

2009-08-23T21:46:00.005-04:00

*I would strongly encourage you to actually read this book and take the time to do the study… and if you do, don’t read this post! This is more for my regurgitation and sharing what I’ve taken away from it. But, if you don’t plan on participating in the study… *

Really. That’s all I can say… is Wow.

I just finished (finally, after having done the study off and on for the past year now) Kelly Minter’s Study “No Other Gods” . And though a lot of the blame may indeed fall on me for not finishing it a long time ago, it seems it was more befitting for such a time as this, too. Such impeccable timing! (Why does that always surprise me?)

So, in lieu of Sermon’s Notes today, I thought I’d hit on some of my (many) underlined thoughts of Kelly’s.

In laying the foundation for our study with the idea of falling before “functional gods” Kelly clarifies that “a professed god is who or what we say our god is; a functional god is who or what actually operates as our god.”
She goes on to quote J. Calvin saying “the evil in our desire typically does not lie in what we want, but that we want it too much.”

Now for some popcorn points on this chapter:

Persistance overcomes resistance.
Having freedom from our idols begins by recognizing our own powerlessness against them.
Apart from the power of Christ, we are unable to extricate ourselves from their (the idols’) hold. If we can accept the truth of our own weakness, while accepting the gift of His strength, He will do it.
Being skilled and wise are worthy and desirable goals. They become a problem when we use these things to create false gods that we end up serving.
You must ask yourself: ”Am I doing this for God’s glory, or for my own glory, pride, comfort, happiness, or other selfish motive?”
If it all looks easy and doable, it doesn’t require faith.

Now, the next part, I think I actually mentioned months back when I covered it the first time. It was such a great reminder and illustration for me.
Minter brings us to the story of the Israelites who had been blessed with attaining all these gold earrings and such from the Egyptians, by the Lord’s good favor on them. Then, she goes on to point out that next thing you know, they’re melting down those very blessings and shaping a golden calf to turn to. In essence, “the Israelites turned God’s gifts into gods”.
Ouch. I SO relate!

She continues “some of our false gods can be made of things that are in and of themselves perfectly good; they only become a problem when they take the place of God.”

Popcorn points:

Fear protects our idols.
Whatever we fear is our god. Fear itself is not the god; the object of our fear is the god.

Session three goes into truth and discernment and satan’s lies… the whole concept of conviction.

Popcorn points:

True conviction doesn’t look for loopholes and isn’t sad. (ie: Can’t give something up just to say “Aww, I’m so bummed, I can’t watch that anymore…” or the likes.
If true conviction is present, we will begin to look at that thing as something that was taking the place of God, something that was stealing from us.
As we rid it from our lives we will be hopeful with anticipation, anxious to see what God will do in this newly-created space. We will not look for loopholes.

Next, she goes into defining idolatry for us. “What is idolatry? It’s taking a good thing and making it an ultimate thing.” (T. Keller)

The next session is the powerful reminder of the Israelites once again, who had spent so much time longing for the ‘good ol’ days’… (what?!?) They remember the times when they had ‘ “free” fish, cucumbers, melons, leeks, onions, garlic… all they wanted’ – “free”, that is, in return for their slavery! Of course, they overlooked that in their less than 20/20 hindsight. Isn’t our rearview mirror always a bit rose-tinted? Hmmm… I know mine is.

She quotes Tozer, saying “We are often hindered from giving up our treasures to the Lord out of fear for their safety… But, we need have no such fears. Our Lord came not to destroy, but to save! Everything is safe which we commit to Him and nothing is really safe which is not so commited.”

A good reminder for me, as I’ve tired from desperately working in my own strength is this: “Our soul does not delight in God over a Scripture-memory verse or church attendance or doing a Bible study alone. It delights in Him when we come, listen, turn from our idols and call out to Him.”

Popcorn Points:

We cannot have ultimate allegiance to both God and the world.
Any idol in our lives becomes our master.
He simply will not allow our allegiance to be elsewhere.
Sometimes, I wish I could get away with something. But, He won’t have it, because He’s too great, too holy, too righteous, and has too much to offer to let us serve anything less than Him.
At the end of the day, it’s between I AM and everything else.
When we see Him for who He is, the strength of our idols lose their pull.

Here, she blew my socks off, in sending me to Isaiah 46:1-2, which I had never read in quite this way before. But, after having looked at my modern idols and how they so quickly ‘fail’ me…
“The gods cannot protect the people and the people cannot protect their gods. They go off in captivity together.” (WOW!)

Popcorn Points:

Our outside behavior stems from our hearts.
God deals with our idols when He deals with our hearts.
God shows up in our reality. He shows up in our weakness. He is looking for… the one who concedes need for Him.
Embrace your weakness. View it in a new light. See your weakness and struggles as opportunities to reveal God’s power and grace in your life!
Surrender is about the will; trust is about the heart.
God wants my trust, since trust speaks deeply of relationship. It is a rare moment we trust someone on a heart level with whom we’re not in relationship.
If I lose my faith in Him, I will invariably return to the gods I have left behind.

She ends by discussing the laying down of our idols. Never an easy task.
It takes faith to say good-bye; it takes faith to say hello.

"Every follower of Christ will have to walk through the desert at times in life – it is the bridge between the old and the new. But, the idea is to go through the desert, not to attach there… and that takes faith."

She leaves us with the story of Ruth, who chose to leave her Moabite home to go with her mother-in-law Naomi. She had to leave all she knew and loved (including many idols), saying good-bye to all the familiarity in turn to embrace Naomi’s people and God.
“God calls us to move away from (our functional gods) – sometimes it’s a physical move, but more often, it’s a heart move. One that can be every bit as gut wrenching, but one that promises the presence and satisfaction of God.”

“There is no meeting God halfway. I thank Him that He has not met me halfway, because we never would have met. I couldn’t have made it that far.” (I LOVE that!)

Don't Know Much

2009-08-12T22:10:00.003-04:00

Don't Know Much

Sound the 'cheese' alarm, right? Aaron Neville and Linda Rondstadt pairing up for a sappy '80s duet. But, tonight in the car, as it came up on my iPod (yes, I have it on my iTunes- one of several of the "Best of the Duets" of the '80s) it held such a different meaning for me. It was like an affirmation from this morning and a sweet simple reminder.

This morning, as I drove in to work, I was thinking of how much I've just felt as though I'm really struggling... and have for some time now. Struggling to find God. Struggling to hear. Struggling to find peace. Struggling to have faith.

And that's when it occured to me. Like a small still voice telling me "You keep fighting so hard to 'find your faith', when you've never really lost it. Quit beating yourself up. If you still believe, you've got faith enough. Faith of a mustard seed... can you say you have at least that? You wouldn't be struggling if you didn't have any faith at all. Just the mere desire is faith in and of itself."

Such a comfort as I tend to struggle in vain! So many times, I focus so much on the feelings - or rather lack thereof - that I get wrapped up in that and feel as though I haven't any faith at all. When, if I would just turn my eyes toward Him, I would find those feelings of undeniable faith once again.

I'm reminded of something I read by Sheila Walsh some time back: "Use the faith you have. Don't search for great faith, but it you love Me, use what is in you."

You don't have to know it all. You don't even have to 'feel it'. All He asks is that you show up before Him with a willing heart and know that you love Him. And that is basically, all there is to know.

Look at this face

I know the years are showin'

Look at this life

I still don't know where it's goin'

I don't know much

But I know I love you

And that may be

All I need to know

Look at these eyes

They never seen what mattered

Look at these dreams

So beaten and so battered

I don't know much

But I know I love you

And that may be

All I need to know

So many questions

Still left unanswered

So much

I've never broken through

And when I feel you near me

Sometimes I see so clearly

The only truth I've ever known

Is me and you

Look at this man

So blessed with inspiration

Look at this soul

Still searching for salvation

I don't know much

But I know I love you

And that may be

All I need to know

I don't know much

But I know I love you

That may be

All I need to know

I don't know much

But I know I love you

That may be

All there is to know

2009-08-09T15:51:00.002-04:00

Love Letter from a Friend

I’ve mentioned I’m a Pack Rat. And today, as I was listening to the Podcast of last week’s sermon for some sermon notes to share (I couldn’t use today’s because they had run out of outlines… serves me right for being late), I looked down at my feet, and under my desk here is a stack of odds and ends things… Old calendars (’cause you never know when you might need those), some magazines, a couple directories… and then I noticed a folder that looked straight out of the ’80s. I thought “What in the world is in that thing?” I began to leaf through it and came across an old typed (you know, on the old actual typewriters) copy of something I hadn’t seen in a long time. I don’t even remember where it came from. But, it was certainly a message I needed to be reminded of and one I need to keep on hand. A “Love Letter” from the truest, noblest most endearing Friend one could ever hope to have.
So, please, read it. Share in it with me. And feel free to claim Him as your own Friend, too. All are welcome in His circle.

Dear Friend,

How have you been? We haven’t spoken in some time, so I wanted to send a quick note to tell you just how much you’ve been on my heart and my mind.

I saw you yesterday as you were talking with your friends. I waited all day, hoping you would want to talk to me, too.

As evening drew near, I gave you a sunset to close your day and a cool breeze to rest you – and I waited. You never came. Yes, it hurts me, but I still love you.

I saw you fall asleep last night and longed to touch your heart, so I spilled moonlight upon your pillow and face. Again I waited, wanting to rush to you so we could talk. I have so much I want to share with you!

You awakened late and rushed off to work. My tears were in the rain.

Today, you looked so sad – so all alone. It makes my heart ache because I want to help and I so understand. My friends, too let me down and hurt me many times. But, I still love them. And I love you.

Oh, if only you would listen to me. I love you more than you know. I try to tell you in the blue sky. In the quiet green grass. I whisper it in the leaves on the trees and breathe it in the colors of the flowers. I shout it to you in the mountain streams and give the birds love songs to sing over you. I clothe you with warm sunshine and infuse the air with nature’s scents. My love for you is deeper than the deepest ocean. Bigger than the biggest want or need in your heart. Oh, if only you knew how much I want to walk this road with you!

I know how hard it is in this life. I’ve walked the road, too. I know the hurt. I know the struggles. I know betrayal and I know loss. And I want to help you.

I want you to know my Father, too. The very One Who helped me along the journey. And He wants to help you, too.

So, please. Don’t hesitate to call on me. Turn to me. I’m here. Just talk with me! Anytime. I’ll be waiting. I promise.

Unconditionally Yours,

Jesus

2009-08-03T13:14:00.002-04:00

This is my Story... This is my Song (the beginning)

Today, I’ve been thinking about my testimony. My journey of faith. How I’ve gotten to where I am today. Wow… How does one start in telling the many countless ways God‘s moved in his/her life as a Christian? Where does one even begin?
~
One of my greatest questions as a Christian is how you can blame or judge another for not believing when they’ve not been given some of the same opportunities and/or inclinations as yourself? I feel like God has always pursued me, long before I ever knew to pursue Him.
~
I was blessed to be brought up in a Christian home, attending church regularly, being involved in Sunday School and VBS… the whole nine yards. We grew up Lutheran, so we were “sprinkled” at infancy and by about 7th or 8th grade continued on in taking confirmation classes, followed by the actual confirmation. And although I took it all to heart as much as I could and took that step with all sincerity, I never really grasped the concept of an actual personal relationship with my Savior. Knowing Him as a Friend, above all others. He was a loving God, Who was ‘out there’ looking down from ‘above’.
~
This is not at all to criticize the Lutheran church. It holds a very special place in my heart. It played a very important part in my journey and was the basis for my faith. It was my starting point. And I think that each denomination speaks differently and ministers differently to each of our needs. And it was the summer after confirmation that I attended a Lutheran youth camp for a week, with other teens from all over, that offered my first real taste of His presence.
~
Aside from the memories of all us girls sharing one bathroom and getting up at the crack of dawn for breakfast (and my slight crush on Joe Whitney), I remember one particular evening by the campfire. Joe must not have been there, because I was actually focusing on the moment and singing all those ‘campfire songs’ (you know the ones) with the purest of hearts. And I just remember, in that moment, feeling different? Like I had let something go? And yet felt more connected than ever before? It wasn’t earth-shattering. It wasn’t any great transformation. I’m certain nobody else even knew. Yet, I knew. And it was sweet and peaceful. Calming and reassuring. And from that sweet brief moment, it was back to bed, back on the van, back home, and back to ‘reality’… Life as usual…. (to be continued).

2009-08-02T15:34:00.004-04:00

An Untroubled Heart

I just received the sweetest gift in the mail last week. Kathy, over at Blessed Builder, had a bloggy book give-away and I actually WON! Yay! It's a book that released this Spring called "An Untroubled Heart: finding faith that is stronger than all my fears" by Micca Campbell.

"Micca Campbell knows all too well the unpredictable nature of life. As the 21-year-old mother of an infant son, her world was shattered when she lost her husband to a tragic accident. Reeling from her loss, Micca feared for her future, and struggled to overcome her aching loneliness. Yet in her darkest moment, she discovered God's remedy for our deepest fears. Micca presents a woman's guide for living a carefree, worry-free life. She explores the anxieties of every woman's heart from insecurities, to finances, to marital challenges, to raising healthy children.
With her distinctive southern flair and casual humor, Micca shares remarkable insights for finding freedom from fear. You'll be encouraged to lay down your worries, trust in your Heavenly Father, and embrace a life marked by peace and joy. Bible Study Questions at the end of each chapter."

Sounds great... I can't wait to delve into it. I get the feeling He knew that I was to read this book, long before Kathy even had the contest. Thanks again, Kathy! I look forward to reading it! And smelling whatever good scent that came with it in the box!! :)

2009-07-29T23:36:00.004-04:00

Do you have anyone who just makes your day to see them?

Well, today, I had the great pleasure of seeing 4 of my favorite Blue Willow patrons.
It always does my heart good to see them. It’s two couples, probably in their 70’s – one couple from the Atlanta area, the other couple from Lavonia.

Years back, I’m guessing somewhere around 6 or 7 years ago (maybe longer) these sweet folks came in and we got to talking and when I heard that the latter couple was from Lavonia, I just mentioned that I had attended Piedmont, et cetera, et cetera… Well, 6 months or a year later, they came back in and that sweet, crazy man remembered every last thing that I had told him! From my name, to my major… I was blown away. Ever since then, they have all just become my buddies. And I just love the days I get to see their sweet faces. They only meet up at the Blue Willow every six months or a year… to celebrate birthdays. And the Lavonia couple hadn’t been in a year and a half now. So, I was long overdue for a visit from them.

Well, we did some catching up and I got to hear the latest cheesy jokes from the men. Got some hugs in from everyone and then my Lavonia friend brought me in a couple of the latest issues of Georgia Mountain Laurel and left them for me to look at.

Local attractions, calendars of events, a few recipes and some pretty good photographs taken in all different areas in NE Georgia. And there were several sweet write-ups. One in particular, ministered to me just as dearly as seeing my comrades, so thought I'd share it here:

There is a true story told about a man who was selling quail in the marketplace in northern India. The man, a local farmer, had tied a string around the leg of each bird and the other end of the string was tied to a ring attached to a stake in the center. The birds walked around the stake in a circle, around and around.

A man who had a passion for animals came by and purchased all of the birds. Once the fee was paid, he asked the farmer to snip the strings and let the quail go free. The farmer obliged the man, since he had made the money that he had hoped to make. Although the strings were cut the birds continued to walk in a circle. The man who offered them freedom shooed them, and tried to get them to fly away. When they did, they would land a short distance away, form a circle and walk behind one another. Although a price had been paid for their freedom, and the strings had been cut, they continued in their learned behavior. Are we much like that?

If this story were opened up and applied to your life, would you be a helpless victim of the string and the stake, or would you see the freedom offered you and fly away, thereby accepting the grace of your savior? We live like we have no choice but to stay right where we are, no matter how confining and uncomfortable. If you know Jesus and you have given your heart and life to Him, you are as free as the quail in the marketplace. So quit living like you lived before you encountered His grace.

God wants you to fly as badly as the man who bought the birds. Let His love fill you and His mercy set you free. You are His child and He wants greatness for you. His son paid the price for you to have these things. We need to realize that we are true heirs of God’s throne. The Spirit of God lives within you and is a wonderfully freeing gift given at the moment of conversion and, like a gorgeous ribbon tied around a lovely gift, His Holy Spirit seals the believer until the day that Christ comes again. Wrapped in the Spirit of a gracious God is the most comforting place to be.

How are you living? Do you live like a free man or are you a slave to something? Becoming a Christian doesn’t mean that old habits are erased, although we do become new creatures in Christ. The string is cut the freedom is given but we have forgotten how to fly. Maybe there is something that is holding you. Is it an old hurt that is binding you? There is joy waiting for you when you walk away from that hurt and begin to live for Christ. Is there someone you need to forgive? Someone who needs to forgive you? Is there some un-confessed sin that you think you are hiding? Offer or seek forgiveness, repent and accept God’s forgiveness. Forgive yourself. Whatever your “string” is get rid of it.

God wants to bless you and me. He has unlimited and unbelievable joy and peace that is yours. It has your name on it. God will help you if you ask, He can change your life but you must look up and ask Him. Christ loves you more than anyone you have ever known, and wants to give you the gift of freedom. He has already paid the price for that freedom; you need only accept it, cut your strings and soar in His Grace.

~ by Tracy McCoy

2009-07-27T17:46:00.006-04:00

*New Blog Under Construction*

(Warning: it may take longer

to get up and running effectively

than the BIG DIG!)

But, please come check it out and tell me

what you think while I work out the kinks!

www.bittersweetjess.wordpress.com

A Stroll Down Ministry Lane...

2009-07-27T16:25:00.008-04:00

Hello.
I'm Jessica.
I am a Pack Rat.
I am well aware of this fact, but like all Pack Rats... I don't care.
I have my reasons.

That said, I'd like to enlighten you with some of my findings or rather 're-surfacings'...

First, however, I must give credit where credit is due. My fellow S.L.O.B., Aaron posted his sermon notes on his blog last Sunday... which got me thinking: How cool would it be for all different bloggers to share what they learn every Sunday? I mean, even within one church body, you could have all different feedback, depending on what 'struck home' to each individual person.

Well, that's all it took to get my inner Pack Rat going and rummaging through all my sermon notes from the last 4 years at ECC. I promise you, I have not thrown one solitary outline away. So, with the exception of the roughly 5 total Sundays I've probably missed in the 4 years I've been there and the brief amount of time they tried doing away with the outlines (grrr...) I should have every last one of them that has been printed... somewhere around here. Hey, I said I was a Pack Rat, not an organizational fanatic.

So, why don't I just share a few gleanings from the wonderful stash I've accumulated. Just to kick things off. And PLEASE, I encourage you to share yours, too! And let us know if you do!

June 5, 2005 ~ "Breaking Free From Fear"

The Damage Fear Does:
~ Paralyzes Potential
~ Ruins Relationships
~ Hinders Happiness
~ Sabotages God's plan for your life

When fear knocks, let faith answer.

Fear activates satan's power.
Faith activates God's power.

June 12, 2005 ~ "Stop Running Scared"

Three Antidotes to Fear:

~ Truth (John 8:32 / 2 Corinth. 4:2)
~ Love (1 John 4:18)
~ Faith (Eph. 6:16)

*Your focus looms large! Make God your focus. Satan will become fainter.
Need God's light to shine on truths. Cast out any shadows of doubt.

Fear is rooted in self-centeredness.

F alse
E vidence
A ppearing
R eal

Now, considering there are 6 more outlines for that series, I'd say that's a good enough start and maybe I'll just share the rest throughout the week. (And maybe even get the notes from the last couple years at least rounded up and organized!)

Thanks for the idea, Aaron!

And thanks to Eastridge for all the great lessons over the years! And outlines!! :-)

2009-06-14T21:35:00.013-04:00

Above ALL, take up the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. (Eph. 6:16)

So, as I confessed in my last post, I have been VERY distant from God. Not just for a few days. Not just for a few weeks. We're talking months here. Months of wandering, squandering and much doubting. Empty messages and daily life devoid of much meaning.

Is it because there were no good lessons out there? And suddenly no meaning to life?

No.

I didn't find any truth or meaning because, quite simply... I was no longer looking for it.

Call it emotionally 'spent'. Call it pure laziness. Doesn't matter. What matters is that I'm finding my way back now (to open arms!) and the lessons learned while off the path.

It's not that I didn't desire to be back on the path, walking as swiftly as I once had. I knew what I was missing and wanted it back deeply. But, I just always find it so easy to fall into the mindset of taking things upon myself... when all He asks of us is to 'trust and obey'. This week, I just made a commitment to make a little more effort. Listen to the radio shows I once had listened to daily (David Jeremiah... and the likes). Pick up a book once in a while, for goodness' sake! Watch some quality television and movies... In other words, soak in as much of the Word as I could and redirect my focus. Or at least, much more than I had been lately...

Next thing I know, He's moving in my life. And moving ME once again.

All that to say... I can honestly attest to how easily faith can be wounded, compromised or even altogether lost, when you don't keep your guard up. And how hard it can be to find again.

In listening to David Jeremiah this week, he was reminding us of the importance of the 'full body of armor' in which to protect ourselves on our faith walk. This week, the focus was on the 'shield of faith'. One translation reads "Above ALL else..." Another reads "In EVERY battle, you will need faith as your shield..." Obviously, our faith is rather important in this battle of daily living.

To gain a deeper understanding of the shield Paul would be speaking of... I pulled up 'shield' in Wikipedia. Found a very helpful page that goes into great detail about the Roman Shield and what it was all about.

The 'scutum', as they referred to it, was "generally a large body shield. About 2.5 ft wide by 4 ft tall. It was made of plywood and covered in leather." Some contained a centrally located shield 'boss', which looks like a Hershey's kiss, but a whole lot scarier. "During the charge, the legionary would hold his shield in front of himself so that the force of the impact would, hopefully, knock his opponent to the ground. In this way, the scutum could serve as an offensive weapon by battering the enemy with the central boss and by hacking at him with the metal-bound edge."

(Wow. This ain't exactly your run scared and hide behind variety of shield, now is it?)

"Once he had reached, and overbalanced, his enemy, the legionary would often rest his scutum on the ground and fight from behind it while crouched. This would lower his center of gravity, making it harder for him to be pushed back or knocked off-balance, and would also allow for more of his body to be protected by the shield."

A place of safety and stability... now, who doesn't want that? However, "it should be stressed that this technique would result in a rather static position, and Roman tactics tended to rely on moving forward."

We can't just stay in one place... we must press on... in faith... "It is certain that, when called for, he would have held his shield in front of himself and continued to press forward."

(Now, all of this was really cool to learn... but this was my favorite part....)

"In siege warfare, the scutum could be employed in a unique formation known as the testudo, or tortoise. In the testudo, the soldiers on the front and sides of the formation would hold their shields outward, while the remainder would overlap their shields above the heads of the formation. The result was a box enclosed on the front, sides, and top, leaving very few vulnerable openings. The testudo allowed the Romans to approach and undermine walls without much fear of arrows or rocks from above. It could be disrupted by weapons such as burning fat, but the testudo still served well as a quickly and easily deployed siege weapon."

There is DEFINITELY strength in numbers!! (Especially when you're not concerned with 'burning fat'!!) I read this part of the description and it just brought a tear to my eye! Thinking of all my fellow Christian soldiers and how even when (or perhaps I should say: especially when) my faith is weak and my shield is compromised, I am blessed to be part of their 'testudo'!

My mom asked me a week ago what reason I would give if someone were to ask why they should attend church or get involved in a church, when 'they can believe just as well by themselves'. This is just one (of many) examples I can think of. When you're a part of a strong church body... of believers who are in this good fight of faith with you...

Well, I just can't imagine anything better!

2009-06-12T22:00:00.006-04:00

But Alas...

the Return of the Prodigal Blogger!

So... if you've followed my blog AT ALL, you may have noticed a rather lengthy 'hiatus' from my blogging. I apologize and I assure you that although I have not been writing, I have continued reading all my favorite blogs from all my cherished bloggers. (You guys, are AWESOME, by the way!)

I, however, have just found myself lacking in the inspiration department. I've always enjoyed sharing any little tid-bits that had been impressed upon me along the way, but to be perfectly honest, I hadn't had any to share in quite-some-time. And I only have myself to blame.

Now, I'm still not sure if all just boils down to laziness or neglect or if it's just been my 'time to be in the desert'... not gonna dwell on that... But, I have been lovingly reminded in the last several days that when I "draw near to (Him), He will (most assuredly) draw near to (me)". And I am SO grateful for such a loving, PATIENT Father!

... Hopefully, MUCH more to come...!

2009-01-28T22:13:00.012-05:00

"Simple Humility"

Humility, or being humble, is the defining characteristic of an unpretentious and modest person; someone who does not think that he or she is better or more important than others.

The opposite of humility is pride.

This week, we started our Priscilla Shirer study "He Speaks to Me". Having benefited from her last study, I have really been looking forward to starting this study. And after having watched just the first 30 minutes of her first video session, I knew that she (or rather, He) was already speaking to me. So, I got out my workbook and delved in.

Day One: Simple Obedience - Yep. Need that. No better place to start than square one, right? And I need to get back to that point just to be obedient enough to pick up the book these days!! "Obedience requires sacrifice..." Gotta give up something I consider 'valuable' in committing to hearing God's voice. Gotcha. I am with ya, Sister. Yes sirree, boy did I need that reminder (and to be honest... that kick in the pants).

Day Two: Simple Beginning - A reverent "fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom" (Prov. 1:7 and 9:10). Makes sense. After all, like Shirer says, "Showing God respect opens our hearts and our spiritual ears to clearly hear from Him." It's the very prerequisite for gaining any kind of spiritual wisdom.

Day Three: Simple Humility - "The result of pride..."?? (My thinking at this point?) ... Pffft. Pride? I don't need a study on pride. I'm about as non-prideful as someone can get...

Yes, I see the blatant irony of it all NOW. But, do you know it took a couple of days before it hit me? Sad, I know. But true just the same. Actually, it wasn't until after I completed the homework, after our class met and discussed it and after I got home and let's see...

Flipped over my perpetual calendar to read: Humility is not thinking little of yourself; rather it is simply not thinking of yourself.

And picked up my Andrew Murray devotional for the first time this year to read: Put aside your own efforts and thoughts. ...Offer yourself to Him in sincere humility, and believe that God, in His holy love, will make Himself known to you.

THEN, I (finally) started thinking... Okay... obviously, You're talking to me... So maybe I do have just a teensy weensy touch of pride in me. So, let's just start there, shall we...?

But, first... if you'll just excuse me... I think I have something in my eye? ... Oh, wait... Yep, there it is... Just as I suspected... a LOG.

Ouch.

Set me Free

2009-01-22T22:45:00.010-05:00

Self-imposed Lockdown

Last week, I got an email from my aunt with some cute little Christian cartoons attached. And I was just going along, enjoying the sweet little reminders, when I came across this one....

... And BAM!
It was just like a sucker punch to the gut. I just thought, "You know... this is me." Self-imposed 'lock-up'... or perhaps rather 'lockdown'?

Let's see...'lockdown' is defined as: a state of containment or a restriction of progression. Yeah, that sounds about right. That is exactly where I'm at right now. And for some reason, insist on staying?!? Chained up tight by my fear and anxiety. Restricted by my doubts and discouragement. Ugh.

All the while, He's telling me "Child, I came... I died... for YOU... to be FREE..."

I know, Father. But, I can't seem to find my way out?

Last night, I sat down and watched 'M*A*S*H', for the first time in a while. And again, there was a theme of bondage and freedom.

In this particular episode, Hawkeye Pierce gets word of a fellow Army man purchasing a young Korean woman to be his bondservant. Seeing the value of this young lady, he is appalled by the very thought of this and very shrewdly, yet nobly 'buys' the girl back her freedom in a game of poker. He tries to explain to her that she is now free, but now she just willingly thinks she is to work for Hawkeye. He finally insists she goes back home to her family and puts her on a bus back there. Next thing he knows, she's back in the "Swamp" eagerly serving them and doing what needs to be done there. It seems she just doesn't grasp the concept of true freedom.

Or does she?

At first, I likened this story to that of the cartoon. And to that of my own life. And it was then that I found a very distinct difference.

The prisoners in the cartoon insist on staying 'locked up' in the prison yard. I insist on remaining held captive by all my fears and concerns. The sweet Korean girl... well, she's much wiser. She insists on turning all her focus and energy on the one who purchased her freedom. And gladly honors and serves him with a joyful and willing heart. She doesn't go back to her captor, nor does she go back home to simply wait to be 'sold out' to another. She embraces the one who paid for her ransom and surrenders her life completely to him. And because this is her choice, she finds purpose, meaning and contentment.

Father, help me to be this wise.

2009-01-11T13:47:00.012-05:00

Sanctification

--------

{sanc⋅ti⋅fy}

1. to make holy; set apart as sacred; consecrate.
2. to purify or free from sin: Sanctify your hearts.
3. to impart religious sanction to; render legitimate or binding: to sanctify a vow.
4. to entitle to reverence or respect.
5. to make productive of or conducive to spiritual blessing.

There's a running 'joke' on Facebook between all of those of us who seem to spend endless hours playing games, chatting and just checking up on people and seeing what they've been up to and how they are doing (in some circles, this may be referred to as Stalking; however, on Facebook, it just happens to be more socially acceptable).

Anyway, the running 'joke' is:

And though we laugh about how all-consuming, all-encompassing Facebook can become... this week, I've been forced to honestly examine where it is in my life and where it should be. What I truly used to accomplish with my time and what I do with it now.

Some time ago, I started the Kelly Minter study "No Other Gods". And, let me tell you - it is an amazing study. Not necessarily in the depth of the matter or the level of intensity. It's just awesome in its simplicity. Poignant. Direct. Clear. Convicting. At least for me.

Minter starts us off by having us compare the difference between a 'professed god - who or what we say our god is' and a 'functional god - who or what actually opertates as our god.' I, for example, profess my Heavenly Father as my God. BUT, these days, can I honestly say that He is the One I turn to? spend time with? seek and honor? first and foremost? above all others?

... ahem... no. Ashamedly, I must admit my answer is "No". So many times, He gets my left-overs at best and then I wonder why He feels so distant.

Minter also points out that often times, many of "our false gods can be made of things that are in and of themselves perfectly good; they only become a problem when they take the place of God." An AMAZING example of this that she provides is that of the Israelites. In Exodus, the Lord "caused the Egyptians to look favorably upon the Israelites, and they gave the Israelites whatever they asked for. SO, like a victorious army, they plundered the Egyptians." (Ex. 12:36) Within this plunder were "articles of silver and gold". (Ex. 12:35)

However, we read just a while later that, the Israelites, in getting tired and restless waiting for the return of their leader and liason to God - Moses, decided that they should "make some gods who can lead (them)." They simply concluded that Moses must have "disappeared" and in their haste decided it best just to "take off their gold earrings... take the gold, melt it down, mold it and tool it into the shape of a calf." (Ex. 32:1-4) And next thing you know, they are exclaiming "O, Israel, these are the gods who brought you out of Egypt!"

What?!?

Silly Israelites. Don't they ever learn??

Oh, wait. I'm just like them ... Ouch. Have I not taken the very gifts I've been blessed with from God and put them in the place of Him? Am I, too not guilty of giving up on Him, assuming He has just simply disappeared and find myself turning to the people and things that He has so graciously given to me? ...Why yes, I'm afraid so.

All of this to say... my church is going into a time of fasting starting tomorrow. It is the 21-day Daniel fast. However, considering my most recent health matters and the fact that I don't ingest much more than crackers and water on a regular basis anyway... I have decided to fast from Facebook. For the entire 21 days.

This may sound ridiculous. But, I think it's the best time and best way to get my priorities back to where they need to be. God has been SOOO gracious to me, allowing me the chance to re-connect with some sweet people and connecting even more deeply with those I truly cherish. It has provided such rich opportunity and sweet relationships... however, isn't that the whole point of fasting? To give up what is rich and sweet in our lives and look for those same qualitites from Him? So, this is what I plan to do.

I say this not to draw attention to myself and my sacrifice. But, rather Him and His sacrifice for me. And to be held accountable. (And to let those on Facebook know not to worry about me! I'm still here!! And will be back to ~~stalk~~ check back in on them February 2nd.) : )

So, y'all just go ahead and beat my high game scores and tag me in all kinds of crazy pictures. Just remember what they say about paybacks and be on the lookout for more blog posts in the meantime!!

(... and now, back to FINISH my Kelly Minter study...)

2008-12-31T23:56:00.001-05:00

Pity Party of One

Let me just tell you right off. This is not going to be a very inspiring post. And certainly not one I'll be very proud of. But, it's just where I'm at right now and I just feel like being brutally honest, both with myself and with any of you who care to read this.

I didn't really think it would bother me. After all, it's just another day. I mean, a Wednesday night by any other name (such as New Year's Eve) is still just a Wednesday night, right? And goodness knows I'm not the type to go around painting the town red - or any other color for that matter. And, if given the opportunity, would I really want to go fight the crowds all evening just to watch a ball drop for 60 seconds? Probably not.

So, why does it hit me like a ton of bricks now? Why am I not like all the others out there saying "So looking forward to a new year!" Why, instead of embacing it, do I feel discouraged by the turning of a new page?

Is it because '08 was so great, I hate to see it end? No.

Is it because I really think that '09 will be that dreadful, with nothing good in store? No.

I think maybe it's because I'm afraid it'll just turn out to be yet another 'same old - same old' year for me. Bearing much too much a striking resemblance to the last several years. Not that they've been all bad. Just not all I might have hoped they'd be.

And to be honest - I'm tired.

Tired of hoping for more.

Tired of trying.

Tired of believing for better.

Tired of feeling like I'm hitting a brick wall.

Tired of seeing no results and wondering what it is I'm just not doing right.

And tired of feeling like I'm not being heard by the One I've been trying so desperately to turn to.

So, to think of another year of hoping, trying, believing and hitting a brick wall, wondering what I'm doing wrong...

...yeah, I'm finding that a little daunting right now.

But, maybe tomorrow will shine a little brighter.

One can 'only' hope.

Resolution

2008-12-29T14:40:00.015-05:00

Resolve

The other evening, going into Christmas Eve service at my parents' church, Savannah sweetly said "Aunt Jess. I am going to be SO good, you won't believe your EYES!"

Now, I won't say she was bad. But, needless to say, by the end of the evening, she was losing restraint. Bored and restless, her resolve quickly began to crumble.

But, aren't we all like that? So determined to just astonish everyone with our exceptional behavior. Saintly gestures and only kind words falling like honey from our lips.

Yeah, right!

And how long does that typically last? Until our feet actually hit the floor in the morning?

Thankfully, there's usually tomorrow and His mercies are new every morning.

Who knows, maybe one day we'll get it right. But, until then, we're right there with ya, Savannah. Resolve chipping away with every tick of the clock. At least you know you're in good and plentiful company, Girl.

So, what have YOU resolved to accomplish in 2009?

Every day Trusting

2008-12-08T13:12:00.007-05:00

3-Foot Fall

(taken from a devotional by David Jeremiah)

Trust in Him at all times, you people. ~Psalm 62:8

Recommended Reading ~2 Corinthians 1:8-10

A construction worker was welding on top of a water tower outside Chicago when he unhooked his safety gear to reach for some pipes. At the same time, a metal cage slipped and bumped the scaffolding he was on, sending him to the ground in a 110-foot fall where he landed on a pile of dirt. When the paramedics arrived and carried him off on a stretcher, he had one humorous request; "Don't drop me."

Sometimes we are like that construction worker in our faith; trusting God to save us from the long fall of our sins, yet fretting over the three-foot falls of every-day details. It is easy to trust God with the big things we don't fully understand, but a lot of us have a difficult time putting our trust in Almighty God for the small and personal issues we deal with on a daily basis. The Bible tells us to trust God for everything because He knows our needs even before we ask Him (Matthew 6:8).

If you haven't fully put your trust in the Lord, spend some time casting ALL your cares upon Him, for He knows you intimately, loves you perfectly, and is worthy of your trust in every situation.

It is a glorious thing to know that your Father God makes no mistakes in directing or permitting that which crosses the path of your life. It is our glory to trust Him, no matter what. ~Joni Erickson Tada

2008-12-04T23:44:00.007-05:00

For those of you who keep up with Women of Faith, you know very well who Patsy Clairmont is. And for those of you who just keep up with this blog, you may remember me sharing a clip of hers a while back wherein she shares about a dear friend of hers battling cancer and looking for 'flashes of light'. If you missed it, please take a moment to watch it.

Well, tonight Patsy shared with us that she has lost her sweet friend, Carol.
So, please say a prayer for Patsy and if you feel so led, please go over to her blog (where she has posted the most beautiful tribute to her friend of over 50 years) to share your condolences in her time of loss.

You wanna talk Piles?

2008-11-24T12:43:00.023-05:00

I am, in no way proud of this post... it is to primarily serve to make my friend Michelle feel better about all her piles... (Honey, you could never hold a candle to my mess! ... although, if you did, it might help!) :-)

This is where I throw all the clothes I decide NOT to wear for the day, onto my lovely quilt rack - that pretty well stays buried most of the time.

Ahhh... here lies my stacks of clean laundry,

waiting patiently to be put where they respectively

belong... and rarely, if ever, making it there

before getting used again.

My coffee table... which I have not seen the surface of in years...

These are all the books I get so excited to find, get home, put there

in front of me and read very sporadically.

Got some good ones in there!

... So, whatcha say, 'Chelle... feeling better yet? :-)

2008-11-12T20:46:00.010-05:00

Broken Dreams

As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God because He was my friend!

But then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried, "How can you be so slow?"

"My child," He said,
"What could I do? You never did let go."

~Author Unknown

Well, I guess I can admit I needed to hear this one once again.

It's one I've seen before and have actually even copied into my journal some time ago.

It always hits me between the eyes with truth.

And today, I suppose He just wanted to be sure I took note of it once again. As the daily devotion subscription I received it from made sure to send it to me TWICE. In one morning. On a day I was particularly needing this reminder.

Thank You, Father. For the messenger and the message.

Consider my hands off of it.

2008-11-03T21:28:00.006-05:00

Top Ten Predictions

No Matter Who Wins the Election

1. The Bible will still have all the answers.

2. Prayer will still work.

3. The Holy Spirit will still move.

4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.

5. There will still be God-anointed preaching.

6. There will still be singing of praise to God.

7. God will still pour out blessing upon His people.

8. There will still be room at The Cross.

9. Jesus will still love you.

10. Jesus will still save the lost when they come to Him.

GOD approves this message.

Isn't it great to know Who is really in charge?

2008-11-02T13:19:00.013-05:00

Twists and Turns and lots of Dead-ends...

Having been raised in Illinois, you would think that I would have had my share of corn mazes. However, I don't remember ever having heard of it before I got to go through a sweet one just up the road from here several years back with a friend of mine and her son. I guess it's become more of a phenomenon in recent years. And with all the GPS technology out there now, they really are quite impressive - cutting out elaborate images of all kinds, only seen and appreciated from above.

And as I was trying to determine how I feel right now in my life, my mind went to these corn mazes.

It's as though I set out on a journey, full of excitement and anticipation. Intrigued by all that surrounded me, I marveled at the intricate plan that it must have taken to develop such a journey as this. The sun shone down on me and I found my steps quick and light, eager to see what twists and turns this journey would take me through. All the while, anxious to discover what had awaited me at the end of this incredible adventure.

But, that was before.

Before the dark began to set in. The sun started to fade, I began to feel chilled and those very surroundings that had once beckoned me started closing in all around me.

And now, the twists and turns that once held such wonder and intrigue seem to almost taunt and discourage me.

Lost. Alone. Discouraged. Cold. Confused. Weary. And afraid.

Tired of dead-ends. Broken in spirit. Without direction and without much faith.

And it's now that I must remind myself that there is One Who has intricately mapped this journey laid out before me. One Who sees the bigger picture and yet knows each twist and turn along the way.

And even though it may feel like He's just left me and that He's just waiting patiently, to receive me at the end - and has left me blindly navigating through this maze all on my own... I do believe that He is here with me, quietly guiding me and softly encouraging me to hold on to my faith and to hold on to Him.

For the sun is sure to come back out and I believe one day, I'll be amazed at the final bigger picture of the journey we'd made it through together.

2008-10-27T22:42:00.012-04:00

"Back to Reality"

This weekend, I was blessed beyond reason with an amazing opportunity to retreat with 10 of my Tuesday night bible study Sisters.

I knew at first mention of it, weeks ago, that it would be a great chance to just get away and maybe get to know some of the girls a little bit better. But, I had no idea. No idea of what God had planned for us. It was such an amazing time spent with such amazing women. A weekend that will not soon be forgotten.

Seeing as we all pledged that "what happens in Blairsville stays in Blairsville" :-) I won't get into any of the particulars, but I will just say that even my poor little wearied dried-up soul was deeply touched. God made it very evident that each of us was there for a reason. And there was just such an undeniable sweet spirit there with us all weekend... you just didn't want it to end.

Didn't want to come back to 'the real world', as it were.

But, I guess we can't stay on the mountaintop all the time. Because if nothing else, that's not where we are needed. Not where we belong (as ideal as it may seem).

In "Streams", we are reminded that "No one can stay on the mountaintop of favor forever, for there are responsibilities in the valley. Christ fulfilled His life's work not in the glory but in the valley, and it was there He was truly and completely the Messiah.

...Some Christians think they must always be on the mountaintop of extraordinary joy and revelation, but this is not God's way. Those high spiritual times and wonderful communication with the unseen world are not promised to us, but a daily life of communion with Him is. And it is enough for us, for He will give us those times of exceptional revelation if it is the right thing for us.

There were only three disciples allowed to see the Transfiguration, and the same three also experienced the darkness of Gethsemane.

...The value of the vision and the accompanying glory is its gift of equipping us for service and endurance."

Father, I thank You so much for these women; each one of them. They have each left a print on my heart that I pray won't be covered up anytime soon. And I thank You for showing up so clearly through them.

During a time where You feel so very distant from me and so silent, these women You have so tenderly placed in my life have reminded me just how close and involved You really are and have been able to speak volumes to me through their love for You and their humility and kindness toward others.

Thank You for the blessing of their friendship and thank You for showing up in such a way that none of us could ever deny You, even if we were to try.

May we each continue to embrace this experience and be able to reach back into the recesses of our minds and hearts, as time goes on, and be able to use it for our service and endurance back here in the valley of daily life.

~Amen.

2008-10-22T23:38:00.014-04:00

Mo(o)re Gleanings...

Tonight, during worship, I just couldn't help but keep thinking how I have truly been 'faking it 'till I make it'. Pressing on, singing the songs, praying the words and yet not feeling it in the least (I'm sorry to say).

So, tonight, as I continued on through my stacks of books... I was drawn to what Beth Moore has to say in "Believing God" , as I am beginning to realize just how poorly I actually am right now.

And yet, as those words of unbelief came out of my mouth tonight, in confessing to my dear friend at work... a sense of relief almost over-rode my feeling of shame. Like God saying to me "Well, it's about time! Now we're getting somewhere! Tell me how you really feel! ...You feel like I've left you? I can take it. ...You feel like giving up the fight? I already know that. ...You feel like hope has actually become more of a burden than a blessing? I understand. But, you've got to admit all that to Me - as well as yourself - if you intend to move on out of this wilderness."

So, in the spirit of doing just that and trying to find that sense of belief once again, here's what sweet Beth has to share in her study "Believing God".

(pg. 2) "...some of us are working pretty hard at something that is hardly working."

(pg 3) "We want to be the best of what we see, but frankly what we see is far removed from God's best."

(pg 9) "Our callings remain a hope until we allow the eyes of our hearts to be enlightened and choose to accept them."

"Our Promised Lands are characterized by the presence of victory, not the absence of opposition."

(pg 15) "All that will matter about our earthly lives ... is whether we fulfilled our callings and allowed God to fulfill His promises. ... I want to finish my race in the Promised Land, not in the wilderness. You too? Then we have to cash in our fear and complacency and spend all we have on the only ticket out: BELIEF."

(pg 16) "Both God and the devil are targeting our faith because the stakes are so high."

(pg 19) "...faith is not just something you have. It's something you do."

(pg 22) "Nothing on earth compares to the strength God is willing to interject into lives caught in the act of believing."

(pg 23) "You don't have the need that exceeds His power. Faith is God's favorite invitation to RSVP with proof."

(pg 41) "If God said it, I want to believe it. If God gives it, I want to receive it. If God shows it, I want to perceive it. If satan stole it, I want to retrieve it."

Now, it seems that tonight, I was also reminded of an image Beth spoke of several weeks ago in our "Stepping Up" study. That of the spreading of seeds. Tonight, we were presented with the image of casting good seeds over a hardened ground as compared to spreading the good seeds over ground that's been 'worked over', if you will. Of course, the seeds will produce a much greater harvest in the second environment... where the ground has been tended and prepared first.

BUT~ the image from "Stepping Up" is such a great addition to this image.

Continuing on with the theme of a seed, Beth speaks of a trip "to war-torn Angola to do relief work and draw attention to tens of thousands of malnourished and famished people." She goes on to say that amidst all "the sights and smells of living death, (their) new friend Isak Pretorius said 'One of the most frustrating things is that in villages where they receive seed, they often eat the seed rather than planting it and bringing forth the harvest.' And she kept wondering 'God: why do some people see the results of the Word and others don't? Why do some study the Word of God yet remain in their captivity?' ...Some just eat the seed and never sow it for a harvest. ...Sometimes, we don't even realize the difference. We'll think we accepted the teaching because we were so moved by it. But, you see, the seed of God's Word can fill our stomachs and give us immediate satisfaction and still not produce a harvest - that's when we eat it but don't sow it. ...God's Word is meant to be applied to our reality. We can 'Amen!' the pastor as he preaches sacrificial love. We can walk to the car and comment on the great sermon he gave, drive home, and march in as mean and cold as the person who pulled out of the driveway. We decide surely God did not mean us to apply His truth to our reality because He knows how difficult this or that person is to love. What just happened? We ate the seed instead of sowing it."

Father, please continue to prepare my 'ground'. As hard as it may be, I know that it serves a greater purpose if I would only allow you to tend to me. I don't want to be satisfied with just the seeds, but would so much rather see the fruits of harvest. So, I come to You now... hungry for Your seed and broken ...ready for that seed to be planted deep inside of me. Ready for Your light to nourish and Your living water to sustain. ... Please, 'help me with my unbelief'. Amen.

2008-10-20T22:43:00.012-04:00

Gleanings from my Readings...

(for lack of a better title)

Being in such turmoil these days, I've been desperate for guidance and peace of mind... so, I've been thinking about going back through all my old books from over the past several years and looking back over all the highlighted and underlined pieces that struck me and helped me at those times. And thought maybe you all would like to share in some of these thoughts as well...

(Now, this will probably be all over the place and will probably end up being Part One of several... seeing as I don't know how much typing I'm actually up for tonight! But, here goes...)

Let's see... since I have felt (for the past several weeks now) that I'm at my wits' end, that seems as good as start as any.

Marilyn Meberg "God at your Wits' End":

(pg. 51) "You are in a loving partnership, but He's in charge. I first say the words, then I trust Him with my growth, and He takes over. But, He takes me with Him."

(pg. 62) " 'Not crazy about your plan, God.' ... Did I dare tell God I was not crazy about His plan? Of course. He already knew my feelings. He knew what my feelings would be long before I had the experience that produced those feelings. ... so I told Him what He already knew. And He received my emotions."

(pg. 63) "A part of experiencing His shelter, referenced in Psalm 36:7, is trusting the One Who provides that shelter. ... I settle into the comfort of that sheltering promise, even though I may not yet feel the hope He promised. But I trust Him and have faith in His character of love that a higher good is in the making and that one day, I will look back and say 'Ah, yes... God's hand was in that.' "

(pg. 70) "Satan's goal is that we will walk away from God in despair and then disbelieve. God's goal is that we will stand up under testing and grow stronger in our faith and even more convinced of the Almighty's love."

(pg. 71) "God wills us life in our trials; satan wills us death from our trials. But in it all, God is still in control. And what about us? We have a choice. We can follow Job's example and refuse to renounce God, or we can tell God 'This is too much. My faith in You is destroyed. I had faith, but now I can't do it. How could You expect me to bear up under all this?' "

(pg. 73) "How does she (Joni Erikson Tada) manage to stay upbeat in a world of too many downbeats? ... She has chosen to have faith in the God Whose sovereign ways she may not comprehend but Whose character of love and compassion she trusts."

(pg. 74) "God is the initiator of all things. He is not satan's errand boy tidying up messes satan initiates. That would make God a reactor to an inferior power. All things first go through the hand of God. He is the initiator. There is no greater power."

(pg 84) "I haven't a clue how He honors my choices and yet His plans prevail. That's a mystery. But, nowhere in Scripture do we read about Plan B. God is not scrambling to put Plan B in place because my choice blew off Plan A."

(pg. 136) "Actually, for those of us who don't relinquish control easily, here's a comforting thought: Faith can be a matter of the will. I can will to believe, or I can will to not believe. The choice is mine. That means I can choose to live with faith rather than fear."

(pg. 140) "Our challenge is to love Him for what we do see and trust Him for what we cannot see."

Now, I don't know about y'all, but I'm feeling revived already. And can't WAIT to recover all the other little nuggets I had found along the way and tucked back on the bookshelf! But, I had so many in this sweet little book, that I think I'll wait and start with someone else next time...

Please, feel free to do this with your own treasured books! I would love to hear just some of what you've gleaned from your resources! And am always looking for new books to read!

2008-10-19T13:02:00.005-04:00

Is it Well with Your Soul?

In 1871, tragedy struck Chicago as fire ravaged the city. When it was all over, 300 people were dead and 100,000 were homeless.
Horatio Gates Spafford was one of those who tried to help the people of the city get back on their feet. A lawyer who had invested much of his money into the downtown Chicago real estate, he'd lost a great deal to the fire. And his one son (he had four daughters) had died about the same time.
Still, for two years Spafford--who was a friend of evangelist Dwight Moody--assisted the homeless, impoverished, and grief-stricken ruined by the fire. After about two years of such work, Spafford and his family decided to take a vacation. They were to go to England to join Moody and Ira Sankey on one of their evangelistic crusades, then travel in Europe.
Horatio Spafford was delayed by some business, but sent his family on ahead. He would catch up to them on the other side of the Atlantic.
Their ship, the Ville de Havre, never made it. Off Newfoundland, it collided with an English sailing ship, the Loch Earn, and sank within 20 minutes.
Though Horatio's wife, Anna, was able to cling to a piece of floating wreckage (one of only 47 survivors among hundreds), their four daughters--Maggie, Tanetta, Annie, and Bessie--were killed. Horatio received a horrible telegram from his wife, only two words long: "saved alone."
Spafford boarded the next available ship to be near his grieving wife, and the two finally met up with Dwight Moody. "It is well," Spafford told him quietly. "The will of God be done."
Though reports vary as to when he did so, Spafford was led during those days of surely overwhelming grief to pen the words to one of the most beautiful hymns we know, beloved by Christians lowly and great. Though not yet (to my knowledge) in Catholic hymnals, it has long been a favorite of Baptists (and other evangelicals) including Martin Luther King.
Who can say what it is about life that leads us to such a peace ... like a river.
Who can say what ingredients it takes, for this person or that, that transforms such overwhelming sadness into personal peace, or brings healing, or ... leads our souls to a new depth, or compassion.
Perhaps the answers lie in the heart.
And for each one, whatever the answer is, it comes in a kind of poignant solitude unapproachable in any other way. I ask this, though I just don't know for sure.

When peace like a river, attendeth my way;
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.

It is well...with my soul...
It is well, it is well, with my soul...

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well...with my soul...
It is well, it is well, with my soul...

He lives--oh, the bliss of this glorious thought;
My sin, not in part, but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, so I bear it no more.
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord,
Oh my soul.

It is well...with my soul...
It is well, it is well, with my soul...

And, Lord, haste the day when our faith shall be sight
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
The trumpet shall resound, and the Lord shall descend;
Even so, it is well with my soul...

It is well...with my soul... It is well, it is well, with my soul...

~Horatio Gates Spafford [1873]

Luanne, over at 'Less of Me', posted a video on this story behind the beloved old hymn "It is Well with my Soul" the other day. And, maybe like me, you've heard tidbits of this inspiring story somewhere along the way. But seeing and reading the more complete story on this video has left me just amazed. And wondering: How do you get to that point? Of such utter acceptance of whatever may come and surrender to a Heavenly Father Who never promises you a pain-free journey? Only that He'll be there for you when you do fall.

This morning, our pastor Scott was reminding us to "Consider it a sheer gift, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. For, you know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way." (James 1:2)

So, I ask you, along with myself: "Is it well with your soul?" I mean, truly well. Unconditionally, unwaveringly undeniably well? With a peace so steady that it cannot be shaken by loss of a job or loved one? A peace so certain that it forges ahead not the least bit threatened by your circumstances? A peace that could only come from a life that is truly devoted to the Father?

How many of us can truly, honestly say: "It is well with my soul" ?

I can't speak for you, but I just pray that the Father continues to teach me to say, with the utmost heartfelt conviction: "Father, it IS well with my soul!" Realizing that as long as I have Him, together, we can face anything. And He's not going anywhere.

Thank You, Father.

2008-10-16T19:22:00.009-04:00

"The Shack"

So, I'm just curious to see who else has read "The Shack" and what they think about it.

I know Shana has read it and I think she was wise in re-reading it with Bible in hand, as I don't find that everything is exactly scripturally based. (Although I'm not sure it was intended to be.)

However, the author really makes you rethink your perspectives on life and your part in it all.

Have you read it yet?

What do you think?

2008-10-13T13:13:00.027-04:00

A Day in the Life of a (Reluctantly called) 'Crazy Cat Lady'

~Last week, my sister invited us all to join her in sharing our typical day in pictures. Well, I chose Saturday (because although it is still technically, my Friday -workwise- it is a little more laid back...) So, here's how my typical day in the life of Jessica played out...

(Brace yourselves - the excitement may be more than you can stand!) : )

Most mornings, my sweet little psycho stray kitten, Li'l Bit brings me her toy (a lovely recycled bread tie) so I will throw it for her. I guess God knew that I would love to have a dog if I only had the $$ and space for one, so He did what he could and sent me a cat who loves to retrieve.

...Oh yeah. And loves water. Not your typical cat at all.
She got up on my bathroom counter one morning and in order to scare her down, I turned on the faucet.
Turned out... she LOVED it. And now, every single morning, when I come around the corner to head for the showers... she's sitting there, waiting in the sink. For me to turn on the water so she can play in it. Crazy.

Hi ho.
Hi ho.
It's off to work I go.
These are the steps that I take down to the parking lot from my doorstep.
The ones I really need to just run up and down about 50 x a day, but I get tired just thinking about it...

And, ahhhh. My beloved most treasured thing about living in my 'hood. The would-be, could-be nice wrought iron gate with the railroad crossing bar in front of it! That takes a short eternity every time you come to it. And again, I mean, who are they trying to fool? All the hoodlums are already on this side of the gate, people! For pity's sake: open it up and let a few out once in a while!

Okay... now when I finally get 'out on work release' (or so it feels at this point) I get headed down the interstate, thankfully headed away from traffic, and much later than all the other morning traffic. So, pretty smooth sailing from there...

And here's my exit. The one I am pretty auto-programmed to get off on by this point (13 years later...). Exit 98. Social Circle. (Where it seems they don't like to dot their i's...?)

And, this is the sweet scene I have crossed over the bridge to find more times than I could count.

Man- just think... If I only had a dollar for every time I crossed this bridge... well, I'd probably still be where I am today.

But, it'd be nice to have, just the same...

Alright... here it is... don't blink or you might miss it. The end-all, be-all place for fried green tomatoes and fried chicken in the South. My home away from home...

The Blue Willow Inn Restaurant

But, they know what's best for them, so they keep me out of the kitchen.

I live down in the gift shop instead.

Where the only damage I can do is break fine valuables. And trust me... I've done my share...

And this is my view on the world for the greater part of most any day of the week. At the counter, ringing folks up.

Well, that and telling them where the restroom is and how to get to the restaurant.

(Now, that's where I'd rake in some serious dough! If I only had a NICKEL for every time someone asked one of those two questions... forget Blue Willow... I'd be livin' high on the hog. Not sure where... but I feel certain it'd be high and it would definitely be 'on the hog'. Whatever that means...)

The other place I dwell on the premises would be our underbelly storage. AKA - THE DUNGEON.

This is where our gift shop office is and anything that we don't want in the gift shop...

'Stop 'em - with a Schlage'!

Can't stop me... I'm up there about 50 million x a day! (Well, alright, maybe not quite that many... but if I had a quarter for every time... well, you get the picture...)

Can't stop the UPS guy or the Fed Ex guy either. Which explains all the 'stuff' up there. And this is just one room of about 5 up there. And this is actually probably the lowest inventory we've had in storage since I've been there.

And unfortunately, Schlage can't stop a tea-spill from coming in on us either.

And unfortunately, this is quite a regular incidence, occuring - oh, I'd say about 3 or 4 x a week! Yep. Right there all over our boxes. Sometimes on our heads. It's great.

And the 'funny part' - we were fine until the health dept. came in and 'corrected' the kitchen sink above us.

Thanks again, guys... yeah, this way is MUCH more sanitary and I just LOVE that sticky hair!

And, behind this door... Well, let's just say, you've been given fair warning. It's dark. It's creepy. It's the one reason we've been thankful for a drought for 2 years, because any time it rains, we have a 'river run through it'. It's filthy.

It is the true underbelly of the beast...

The DIRT BASEMENT.

EEK!

And what a mess! Old displays we don't use. Boxes full of packing peanuts. Old chairs. There was a backseat to a minivan down there for a time (?). You name it - it's down there. Or, at least has spent time there or will at some point in the future...

Oh!

So, the day finally ended at BW, so headed on over to Target to get my pack of crackers that they left out of my bags the night before (long story).

And, no sooner got off the interstate and it sounded and felt kind of like the road had been resurfaced. I thought: "Strange. Didn't hear that last night..." Kinda pulled over to get out of the regular 'tracks' in the road and it still made that sound.

... Sure enough. Flat tire. Flat as could be. Big shiny nail. Sweeeeet.

Finally get back over to Target (for my crackers). Thanks to Dad and his expertise in changing a tire - 'cause heaven knows, I'd still be on the side of Flat Shoals Rd trying to get the car jack out of the trunk!

Back to the 'hood. To 'check back in' for the night. Here's the lovely gate pass reader to let us back in to this fine 'institution'. The place I thought I'd get be out of in 5 or less. But, it's looking like I don't quite have the 'bail money' I need just yet, so maybe another 5 to 10.

Ahhhhh.

My "Streams". My beloved irreplaceable devotional for the past 3 years.

I may have some others I like to read, too.

But, there's just no other like "Streams".

I know a lot of people start their days off with it. But, I prefer to end mine with it.

Last night's: "Joseph's master took him and put him in prison... But... the Lord was with him..." Gen. 39:20-21

Good to know He's with me, even (and especially) in the 'hood.

And then, of course... I can't forget my addictions!!!!

I have to fire up the old computer and check in on everybody!

Email.

Blogs.

Facebook.

I could (and normally do) spend HOURS upon HOURS on this darned computer.

But, I can't imagine what I ever did without it.

And without all you sweet 'peeps'.

(Seriously. Y'all pray I get out of the 'hood soon... I think they've begun to rub off on me! Next thing you know, I'm gonna be wearin' my drawers down around my knees!) :)

Matter of Perspective...

2008-10-05T14:16:00.010-04:00

Now, I'm not exactly Kenny Rogers' biggest fan, but I have always loved this song and the great 'twist' at the end. It's not only a sweet little song about a boy playing some baseball, but about life and how you look at it. And today, playing with Emery, I was reminded of it so thought I'd share...

"The Greatest"

Little Boy, in a baseball hat

Stands in the field with his ball and bat

Says I am the greatest player of them all

Puts his bat on his shoulder and he tosses up his ball

*
And the ball goes up and the ball comes down

Swings his bat all the way around

The world's so still you can hear the sound

The baseball falls to the ground

*
Now the little boy doesn't say a word

Picks up his ball, he is undeterred

Says I am the greatest there has ever been

And he grits his teeth and he tries it again

*
And the ball goes up and the ball comes down

Swings his bat all the way around

The world's so still you can hear the sound

The baseball falls to the ground

*
He makes no excuses,

He shows no fears

He just closes his eyes and listens to the cheers

*
Little boy, he adjusts his hat

Picks up his ball, stares at his bat

Says I am the greatest; the game is on the line

And he gives his all one last time

*
And the ball goes up like the moon so bright

Swings his bat with all his might

And the world's so still as still can be

And the baseball falls, and that's strike three

*
Now it's supper time and his mama calls

Little boy starts home with his bat and ball

Says I am the greatest; that is a fact

But even I didn't know I could pitch like that !

Is he not just the cutest?

But, don't be fooled by the cute little face...

He's a natural born athlete, that one!

Look for him on the pro circuit in about 15-20 years!!

There's no tellin' what kind of damage he could do if his aunt could actually pitch the ball !!

This life is not my own...

2008-10-01T22:21:00.003-04:00

"...we are beginning the process. Please pray for us as we are navigating a whole new venture and need loads and loads of wisdom to get from here to there. We are really enjoying the process and have gotten to know some super people along the way. We know that if this is something we are supposed to be doing that it will happen, and if not, not. There is a lot of freedom that comes with knowing that your life is not your own."

Wow. I don't know about any of you, but these were the words I needed to feast on tonight. In the search of 'the right home' for me and being so confused and frustrated and overwhelmed w/ it all... this last sentence just penetrated right to my heart, bringing the comfort and reassurance that I've been needing. The reminder that this life is not my own, just so long as I belong to Jesus. Whew! There is definite freedom in that thought! Thank you, Anita (Renfroe) for that reminder!

2008-09-30T23:00:00.013-04:00

Meme

* some things change... some things don't *

One could never participate in too many 'Meme's' and sweet Shana just passed this one along to me ~

So here goes......

Rules: Each player answers the question themselves.
At the end of the post, the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blog and leaves them a comment letting them know that they've been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person who tagged you know when you've answered the questions on your blog.

10 years ago I:

1. Had just broken my engagement to my then fiance
2. Was working at Blue Willow Inn... (who knew I'd still be there!) : )
3. Took line-dance lessons w/ Jodi and Michelle : ) YEE- HAW!
4. Thought John Michael Montgomery was 'the bomb' ; ) (What ever happened to that sweet dimpled boy anyway...?)
5. Wasn't sure what to do w/ my life (still trying to figure that one out!)

5 things on today's "to do" list:

1. Get the transmission fluid changed out in my car
2. Get brake light fixed on said car
3. Pay rent
4. Do bible study homework
5. Find some GAS!!!

5 snacks I enjoy:

1. Chocolate... anything
2. Peanut Butter crackers (just ask Savannah) : )
3. Lay's potato chips (especially bbq flavored)
4. Cookies
5. Ice Cream

5 things I would do if I were a millionaire:

1. Right now... HOLD ONTO IT! : ) (all but 10 %, of course...)
2. Give to the charities that most touch my heart
3. Trade in my (dented) car for a hybrid (or at least something diesel-operated) : )
4. Buy a decent home
5. Pay off my medical bills

5 places I have lived:

1. Ottawa, Illinois
2. Sheridan, Illinois
3. Covington, Georgia (at home w/ folks)
4. Demorest, Georgia (at college)
5. Covington, Georgia (in apartment)

5 jobs I have had:

1. Babysitting
2. Walco (don't ask...)
3. Mental Health Dept. (surprisingly, not as a patient as a result from aforementioned Walco!)
4. Stanley-Proto Tools
5. Blue Willow Gift Shop

The rules say I have to tag 5 people.
So I'll tag:

1. Jodi
2. Dianne
3. Luanne
4. Lydia
5. Michelle H.

Infinite Grace

2008-09-29T16:25:00.010-04:00

Infinite Grace 2008

Well, got back from our 3rd annual Women of Faith weekend... and it was amazing as usual.

I only wish I could share more of it with you.

It's always a bit overwhelming to be able to relay every nourishing nugget we are fed there through the Women of Faith 'porch pals'. But, this year, it's especially difficult for me to share because unfortunately, I don't think I actually retained much of it!

Don't get me wrong.

I was blessed every second of the time spent in that arena. And as previously mentioned; I laughed. I cried. And felt God tugging on my heartstrings with each and every single one of those precious speakers and singers.

Unfortunately, however; due to the medication I had decided to start taking Friday (w/out thinking about it), I observed half of the conference through closed eyelids! I could've just curled up and fallen asleep right there in my seat. It didn't occur to me until Sunday that that was probably the reason. (Up until that point, I just figured it was due to the high altitude of our seats!) : )

Thankfully though, I did take a couple of notes during the pre-conference Friday, so I am able to share SOMETHING of the experience with you all. And how it still spoke to me, despite my semi-comatose state... : )

Okay, let's see... my complete notes from Patsy Clairmont (Friday morning)... *drumroll*

1. Condemnation -vs- Conviction
2. "God has not forgotten you."

Tada!!

Okay, now let's see what I picked up from Jan Silvious, later that day... *drumroll*

1. "Do what you can or have to do. And leave the rest to God."
2. "Pray this prayer: 'Lord, I give everything I know of me to everything I know of You.' "

So, there you have it, Folks. My lengthy notes from an entire weekend of amazing speakers. Aren't you glad you had me to attend so I could now impart such wisdom for you on my blog?
Had I known I wouldn't retain the rest of the conference, I might've tried taking notes then, too! But, just trust me. It was an incredible weekend. One that may have momentarily bipassed my mind, but has left definite tracks on my heart. : )

Now, what still managed to speak to me, through my haze of remembrance was this...

No matter how long you wait to actually make the effort to 'pick up where you left off,

God is always there waiting... and on the same page.

You know the part I had mentioned from Patsy's being : "Condemnation -vs- Conviction" ? I had just read that same thing in my Priscilla Shirer book "Discerning the Voice of God" Wednesday night of last week. The book I've had since May. I had picked it up in searching for some kind of peace and guidance about being in the housing market, feeling very pressured and overwhelmed by the whole thing. And Priscilla sweetly pointed out that "There's a difference between God's convicting voice and the Enemy's condemning voice. Condemn means to consider something worthy of punishment. Convict means to bring something to light in order to correct it." (Almost verbatim of what Patsy then spoke Friday.)

And the part that spoke most to me about my situation: "The Thief's voice, unlike God's voice, threatens and intimidates on the basis of fear: 'If you don't do this, you'll be sorry!' It may order you or try to force you to do things. It is often urgent and pressing, sermonizing and demeaning: 'Do this now! If you wait, all will be lost!' " She reminds me that nowhere in the scriptures does God rush anyone into anything. He'd rather 'patiently and persistently give us clarity before requiring obedience'.

Whew!

Reading that by Priscilla already made me feel much better, but then to have Ms. Patsy reiterate?... well, every little reinforcement helps.

And Patsy's sweet story of how she came about "God has not forgotten you." - well, that was just sweet and very encouraging. (Too long to include here, but I do actually remember that part, so maybe I'll share that one later down the line...) : )

Then, Jan Silvious got up to speak and began speaking on the story of Moses, being placed in the basket, and ending up in the Pharoah's palace...

On the way into the city Friday morning, Mom and her friend, Pam had just been discussing what they had been going over in their new bible study class on Wednesday mornings... and I bet you can guess what the topic of discussion had been for them... Moses, in the basket, ending up in the Pharoah's palace...

On the same page...

And her prayer of surrender just struck a real chord with me. And it's a great reminder for when I feel so buried under all my stress.

Oh, yeah. And she stated that modern science has proven that a large % of physical problems start in the mind... I can attest to that, for sure. But, good to know I'm not alone in that. : )

Then, Saturday, their guest speaker was Max Lucado. It was a real treat to get to hear him speak. I had only read his books until now, but have always enjoyed them. But, the parable that he had used in demonstrating God's love for us was that of the prodigal son.

Before I picked up Priscilla's book last Wednesday, I picked up John MacArthur's "A Tale of Two Sons" Tuesday night after bible study. The more indepth look at the parable of the prodigal son.

So, there you go!

I may not always be as in-tuned as I'd like to be, but at least I know that when I am plugged in, He's always right there with me! : )

And, indeed, He truly does live.

And if you ever doubt this, just watch Nicole C. Mullen sign this song while singing it in person. The chills that it brings to your skin and the tears it forms in your eyes will be all the proof you need. : )

Infinite Grace

2008-09-23T22:17:00.010-04:00

You know, it's so funny... in "Stepping Up", we just wrapped up going over Psalm 126 - the very scripture that Sheila Walsh used to sum up the Women of Faith conference from last year...

I thought of the Psalmist's words in Psalm 126:2: Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy.

The 2008 Women of Faith conference in Atlanta is now just 3 days away and I can't wait!

This will be our 3rd year going and every year is just amazing.

You laugh.

You cry.

Sometimes, with Anita or Luci, you laugh until you cry!

Totally, a 'chick' weekend.

: )

But, oh so good for the soul!

And I just found out that Stephanie from over at 'Notes from the Soul' is going, too! How exciting to be able to share in it w/ another blogger! So, I was just wondering if there happened to be any other fellow Women of Faith out there attending WOF in the ATL this weekend?

2008-09-21T17:23:00.004-04:00

You can take the kid out of Georgia,

but you can't take Georgia out of the kid...

Jodi and Jeremy have been in Disney World this weekend with the kiddos and sounds like they're having a great time. She finally posted about it yesterday and I just had to share this part, if you hadn't already visited her blog:

...We found out later the nap idea wasn’t such a good one. Our dinner reservations ended up being at 9:00 last night. Savannah fell asleep on the way there and Emery was so hungry by the time we got to the restaurant that he stopped, turned to the bus driver and said, “Esscuse me, Shir. Could you take us to ‘da Waffle House?”

Now, is that not just the cutest thing EVER? That kid cracks me up. Wish I were there w/ them... but, can't wait to hear more about it when they get back!

2008-09-20T21:45:00.017-04:00

"Rock the Vote"

Alright... I haven't mentioned MercyMe in like 5 posts, so... : )

In their latest post:
http://mercyme.org/blog/2008/09/19/choose-our-next-single/
the guys are looking for feedback on which song to make their next single. And if you're like me, you're ready for an opportunity to vote where there's actually something exciting to vote for (!) so, here's your big chance to get in on the excitement!

The choices are:

~ Goodbye Ordinary
~ Alright
~ My Heart will Fly
~ Finally Home

I think they're all Alright, so it's hard to say... (although you may have already picked up on my personal favorite of the selections given). : )
But, honestly, the more I listened to my cd today and really thought about what I could hear being played on the radio... I would love to hear "Time Has Come"! - It's not one of the choices given, but it's upbeat. It's catchy. And also a great motivational anthem of sorts and a great reminder!

Oh, well. I would love to hear any of them on the radio. So, they can't go wrong. : )

Check 'em out for yourself... http://www.mercyme.org/listen/playerwimpy.swf

And go ROCK THE VOTE ! ... Alright ?

: )

2008-09-16T23:01:00.014-04:00

"One Life"

I don't know how many of you are familiar with '33 Miles' ('What Could Be Better' & 'Thank You'), but if you haven't checked them out, I would like to encourage you to do so.

They released their Sophomore album today, and I love just about everything on it...

I hope you enjoy it, too!

Check 'em out!

http://www.33milesonline.com/player.php

2008-09-11T08:34:00.008-04:00

Where were you?

... Do you remember the moment in time when our nation actually came together?

Let's pray it doesn't take another 9/11 to open our eyes to each other and to be able to acknowledge our Heavenly Father.

Patriot Day 2008

Let us not forget...

not only the lives lost, but the lessons learned.

2008-09-07T23:25:00.018-04:00

Where do I go from here?

Show me the right path, O Lord; point out the road for me to follow. (Ps. 25:4)

I must say... I find myself truly struggling these days. More and more.

It really is no wonder that I have internal problems. I can literally feel the war going on inside of me. Knowing on one hand that it best just to let go and let God... yet on the other (very stubborn) hand, holding on with everything I've got. All but paralyzed with fear.

You see, in 2005, I started thinking I had it all figured out. The direction for my life. The meaning behind all that lead up to that point. God. Myself. You name it. I had it figured out.

Or so I thought.

Then - my wake-up call. In the form of the 'straw breaking the camel's back'. And more or less overnight, my life (as I knew it) and all my 'answers' came crashing down around me. I was devastated. For more reasons than one.

But, now upon reflection, I believe the most detrimental one being that of feeling betrayed by God.

After all, it was just then that I had really begun searching for Him and hungering for Him. And feeling as though He were truly leading me.

It was such a contradiction. One, I'm sure that has been experienced by many: The very One who could have spared you from such heartache is the only One who can save you now. Thankfully, He's plenty big enough to shoulder any brutally honest feelings you might be harboring. Even toward Him.

So... as time went by and I held onto Him as never before... I began to see Him move in my life, in so many ways. He lead me to a church home where I still find myself blessed to this day, on a regular basis. He's spoken to me through countless books (and blogs) and speakers... He's helped me to grow and develop in ways I never would have imagined 3 years ago.

And, for that, I am truly indebted. And though I wouldn't want to go that road again and even as troubled as I find myself today, I am so grateful for the place it's all brought me to.

However. As much as He's proven Himself for me, to me and even through me... I still just can't seem to shake that initial distrust in Him. And you better believe that I am more than ashamed to say that. After all He's done in my life to show me His love and mercy. How could I not trust in Him completely and with complete abandon?

I only share it now in hopes that it will serve, in some way, to loose the chains. I really don't know what else to do.

I know He's pulling me. Prompting me. Inviting me to lay it all down at His feet. The good and the bad. The hopes and dreams for tomorrow as well as any hurts from the past. Ready, willing, and more than able to sort through it all and make beauty arise from the ashes. (Is. 61:3)

And I know the sweet release that comes with that. I've given it all to Him before. I just wish I knew what it will take this time, to relinquish this stubborn hold on all that I insist on carrying myself. In the name of self preservation. Only to bury myself and guard myself against the very One Who wants to uncover me and finally let the light truly back into my life.

And here He remains... patiently waiting. For me to let go. For me to finally lay it all down. So He can then take me by the heart and take me by the hand and lead me down the path where I belong.

If only it were as easy as it sounds.

“I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24)

2008-09-05T01:08:00.003-04:00

Who knew Looney Tunes was so INTENSE!?!

2008-09-01T12:54:00.012-04:00

"Natural stressors such as sun (temperature and glare) ... vibration, and noise may affect your judgment..."

(PWC Safety Course)

Well, there you go.

I knew there had to be a very viable reason that I would just go up to Bart Millard and introduce myself. (Seeing as that is SO not in my nature to do!) Thankfully, he remained very gracious and did not have me hauled off (in the paddy wagon). And actually even let us get a quick picture before heading off for their signing...

* You guys were so great. I apologize once again for nearly assaulting you! We were just cooling off in the courtesy tent and dreading heading back out into the blazing sun where our seats were... and I just never expected you all to pull up right in front of us. I guess I must have lost my senses... I blame the sun. Five hours of broiling in the Georgia heat can have that affect. Thank you for understanding...

Oh! And great job performing, too! : ) You guys are truly gifted.

Now I would like to just take this opportunity to abdicate my roll as SLOB of the month to the next one, though you are probably fearful of doing that any more, on account of creating more crazed fans! And who could blame you! Certainly not this crazy SLOB. *

2008-08-28T22:45:00.009-04:00

Goodbye Ordinary!

You got that right!

I don't know how many of you noticed, but Bart, from MercyMe, commented on my post about not receiving my special c.d. from them. And he kindly informed me that another would be on its way. Is that not just the coolest?

Lo and behold, it came today! And, folks, I just gotta tell you... a better album, you'd be hard-pressed to find! EVERY SINGLE SONG on here is just absolutely AWESOME! And I'm not just saying that 'cause mine is special! : )

I've compiled a playlist of all the songs off this album... I hope they don't mind, but really and truly in order to enjoy it over and over, you'll have to stay on my blog all day... so, go get your copy TODAY! You will be so glad you did!! (But, until then, by all means you can just stay on my blog to your little heart's content...) : )

Now I'm even more excited about Celebrate Freedom this weekend! I can't wait!! Just over a day away now... and counting!! YAY!

2008-08-24T13:00:00.013-04:00

Passing Along...

...'singalong'

I don't know how many of you are familiar with Phil Wickham, but if you haven't heard of him, I would like to encourage you to check him out. And, now is the perfect chance to do so.

He's just put together a new album that is now available to anyone and everyone absolutely F R E E !

And, if you're like me, that's right in your price range!

I finally downloaded the set on my iPod last night, and let me just tell you; you will be blessed by this gift.

For more of a background on this project, you can let Bart tell you all about it.

But, to go straight to your F R E E download of amazing music, just check out: Phil Wickham's 'singalong' page, and be prepared to WORSHIP !

THIS JUST IN...

Now, Bart's offering some free downloads of 4 songs off his original Hymned album, too! Woo-hoo! Go check it out!

2008-08-20T21:10:00.014-04:00

He gives and takes away...

As many of you know by now (and are probably sick of hearing about), on August 1st, I was selected as MercyMe's first ever, blogger of the month. And, as many of you know by now (and are probably sick of hearing about), I was THRILLED! I never win anything!! (That's what everyone says, I know, but in this case... it's true...) : ) But, I was just so tickled and honored by that. And was just beside myself that they would send me an autographed c.d. as a way of thanking me for sending so many folks to their blog.

And I have anxiously awaited it every day since then.

Then, finally I get a call this morning. Evidently, the mailer containing my treasured c.d. got stuck in someone else's mailbox, in an entirely different neighborhood... and whoever checked this other mailbox discovered my mailer, addressed to me - empty.

I just thought: "Alright, God... You testing me?"

I was SO crushed! I mean, here's the sweetest gesture from some of my favorite bloggers AND singers and I was robbed of it.

...for the most part...

But, then, there was an overwhelming thought that kept interfering with my selfish, carnal thinking...

"Just wait a minute. What if this could be used in some way to honor God?" (well, actually, it was probably more like: "What if this could be used in some way to honor ME?" - coming from God - 'cause I mean, let's be honest... I was just thinking: "I hope this guy goes down! I hope he gets a flat tire in his get-away car or something!")

But, the thought of the possibility of goodness coming from it kept pushing those thoughts aside. And, you know, before long, I could feel myself almost getting excited about the many possibilities.

I mean, certainly, he/she could've just ended up pitching it in the trash. Or selling it and getting some money for it. Who knows.

But, what if... God used it to speak to someone. Either the person who heisted it or the one whose hands it ends up in?

What if... their lives are changed by the very words of those wonderful songs? Songs like "I Know" ~ speaking into their hearts:

I know, I know that God is able I know,

I know that He still reigns I know,

I know that love has found a way.

No matter what it is you're going through

Even if you think you're far beyond where hope can see

I know there is a hand that's reaching out for you

Because He did the same for me

It wasn't that long ago when my own world fell apart,

It fell apart and everything here inside of me said to let go,

You must let go

I found myself crying out to the One who knows my heart,

He knows your heart and holding tight to the few things that I know

I mean... Imagine! If God could speak those words into the heart of someone who needed them today! WOW! And, I know He can!

I just feel like He wants to use this in some way. In which case, I am even more honored and excited to have been selected by Him.

I feel as though He had His hand in this. And He wanted me to know that. For one thing, what are the chances that whoever took it would take it out of the envelope and not just take the whole package? And then, what are the odds that the person who found it would actually take the time to call?

Then, after just thinking, over and over: 'Well, He gives and takes away'... I walked into the shop this morning and the first song that came on the radio... "Blessed be Your Name"!

It was like He was right there saying: "I know. I know you were excited to get that c.d. I know that it meant a lot to you. I know how disappointed you are to hear that you won't get it now. BUT, I also know who took it. I know why they took it. And I know their heart. I know you don't see the bigger picture, but I know you know that I do. And I know that despite your disappointment, you're willing to trust my bigger picture... and actually find a little joy in the possibility. And, in that alone, I am honored."

And for that alone, it was worth it.

Whether they choose to receive the blessing or not.

I have.